Thank You AA

This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl

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I am grateful to be sober today. I am grateful that Ori is alive and home. I’m grateful for all of the people who showed up and for AA. I’m grateful for Tim, for the help from both of our families, for seeing my parents yesterday and how safe they made me feel. I’m grateful we are okay, I’m grateful we didn’t drink, I’m grateful that even though today is still not a normal Monday, it looks incredibly different than last Monday.

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Good morning my friends. I’m sorry I missed you guys last week. 

Last Monday my dog and I were coming home from our usual morning walk and were waiting for the elevator doors to close when we were attacked, in the elevator, by our neighbor's dog. 

Today I am happy to share that Ori is home, there is a long path to recovery ahead of us but our boy survived. For 5 days I couldn’t do anything other than stare at the phone, hoping the vet didn’t call with bad news during the day or overnight, and then wondering why the vet hadn’t called yet during our scheduling morning and evening updates. 

Being in the hospital myself and having to go back 3 times to complete the series of rabies shots brings up when my mom was sick when I was a kid, and all the times we went to go see her in the hospital. 

This incident was the most horrific thing I have ever experienced. I have seen shit, I have done shit, I have experienced some shit while I was out there drinking but nothing like this. I have never felt more powerless, I have never felt more afraid. 5 days without him and it felt like a piece of my soul was missing. I missed his pitter patter on the floor, his face in the morning, the way he smells like a frito when he needs a bath. 

Everytime I close my eyes or let my mind wander I just see the whole thing over again. It was and is horrible. 

But - I’ve heard it a million times - my wife died and 400 AA’ers showed up at her funeral. I got cancer and AA showed up at my door. I’ve heard all of these stories about AA showing up during really really challenging times and I’ve never doubted them but I also never really saw it myself. 

The outpouring of love and support and prayers we received from AA’ers was unimaginable. These rooms show up for you in a way that I cannot accurately explain. People never stopped checking in, people listened to me cry, people thought and prayed and cared for us as if this whole thing happened to them too. And because of that, my boy survived. We survived. 

I never could have imagined the way AA showed up for us. And God…God and my grandfather saved my boy. They are still carrying us. All of 2024 my faith had been wavering and God still showed up. There are some things now that I’m really struggling to turn over because I am so afraid but God showed me in a way that I never could have expected, that he/she/it whatever you want to call God, will fix it. Will take care of it. Will be there no matter what. 

I don’t know why this happened to us. All we wanted to do that day was go home. That day was just supposed to be a normal Monday. But I know that God knew we could handle it. Handle it without drinking or using. Handle it by turning to AA. And in turn, everything is going to be okay. 

xx  

Jane