That Time of Year
This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl
I am so grateful to be sober. I’m grateful for lots of great meetings this weekend, for celebrating my friends, for honest conversations, for reflection and not being alone. I’m grateful to be an alcoholic, I’m grateful I get to help people, I’m grateful that every day is a new day where I can start over. I’m grateful for my family, my puppy, a short week this week, for coffee and music and rest.
Gooood morning my friends (:
Hope everyone had a lovely weekend! I have off from work this coming Friday and really should’ve taken today because your girl is TIRED. I’d love nothing more than a full day of nothing and/or a full day of cup filling activities. Send me to Friday please.
Also, before I launch into today’s rant, I think it’s the perfect time for my obligatory you don’t have to drink speech. Some of you know that fall time is always a weird one for me. Everyone’s drinking beer on the street, there’s a gazillion pop ups and October fest (that’s supposed to be spelled with a K, I think? Am I even an alcoholic?!?), Halloween, that weird day before Thanksgiving, Santa Con, Christmas, New Years Eve. It all can be a super uncomfortable time and while I will say this many times throughout the upcoming holiday season - they are all just days. Just another 24 hours that we CAN, and we WILL get through because there is nothing so bad that a drink won’t make worse. If anyone ever needs help or just wants to chat, I am always always open.
Now onto the rant - I heard a wonderful speaker Saturday morning who said 3 three things that I actually wrote down for the first time in a really long time.
People wear their spirits on their face. I love this and I think it’s so true. But it got me thinking, what does the spirit on my face look like right now? And if looks like what I think it does I need to crack down. I undoubtedly need to crack down.Â
Switching spiritual levels making it hard to connect. Now he said this in the context of other people who are drinking or using and when they are drinking or using their spiritual levels are so up and down. And again, it got me thinking about the speed in which I, a sober person, have been switching spiritual levels lately.
Really understanding who I am so I can be of service to other people. And finally, the one that hit the hardest. This year has been hard, this year has not been my best sober year, life has gotten big, and I’ve let myself get so wrapped up in things that aren’t my program, specially myself and my self-will. But what’s been in my face the most this year - I don’t accept myself. Just about the only thing that I do accept is my alcoholism. How can I be to service to anyone else if I can’t honestly say that I love and accept myself?
One of those meetings that really hit me in the face you know. And that’s okay it’s just another reminder that I need a reset. Not just ‘you can start your day over at ANY point of the day’ reset. A true, take care of myself so I can take care of others, 90 in 90, 4th and 5th step, let go and let God reset.
Any maybe some of you feel that way too so I hope that we can do it together. Because as someone who used to always say we never have to do anything alone - I seem to somehow have forgotten that.
Xx
Jane