I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for the mourning doves, gentle reminders, and big warnings. I’m grateful for my time outside in the morning for prayer and meditation. I’m grateful for a new sponsee, for conversations with my sponsor, being able to show up for others and for a little extra sleep. I’m grateful for coffee, my iPad, and for feeling a little more motivated.
Good morning my friends!
I hope everyone has been enjoying the week, I don’t know about anyone else, but this full moon has really been messing with me and I am so ready for the weekend….
Lately, I’ve really been missing my Peepa. I feel disconnected from him, maybe a little disconnected from HP too. The other day I had a gigantic moth land on me which initial scared the hell out of me but then all I could think of was my Nana. A few days after that I was coming home from work and there was a moth waiting on the front door for me. I know that was my Nana checking in.
But I was still missing my grandfather however yesterday, I saw not one, not two but SEVEN mourning doves while I was at work. This morning, when I came outside to write I was greeted by two more mourning doves perched on our neighbor’s balcony railing. He’s always here, maybe we just with my mom for a little while longer, maybe she needed him more than I did these past few days. Maybe he was visiting my dad and my sister, but he never fails to remind me he’s here with me too.
So (sorry mom and dad), but that will be my next tattoo. Two little birds, because whether it’s my Peepa, or my Higher Power, or God, or the universe, whatever you want to call it – I really do believe those little birds are a part of it.
On a totally different note, last night we had a friend go out. We went to go look for them just to see if we could find them and we did, in a bar. The only two things I’ve been able to think about since is, how fragile our sobriety is and how my sponsor says that all our problems will still be at the bottom of the bottle.
I want my friend to be safe, I want my friend to be sober, I wanted to go into that bar and drag then out by their ear. But unfortunately, I can’t control those things and dragging them out of the bar certainly wouldn’t have been the solution. I am not God.
I can, however, be there for them whenever they are ready. And for myself, I can hold my sobriety a little bit tighter today. I can thank my Higher Power for the beautiful sober life I have more than just once today, I can reach out to a newcomer, I can reach out to an older timer, just to see how they are doing. I can make my gratitude list a little longer and I can be here for anyone, anytime whenever they need.
Because at the end of the day, if I were to pick up a drink all my problems would still be there, just 14x greater and I can’t be of service or help anyone if I am not sober. Even on the hard days, being able to help gives me the most fulfillment. None of us have to drink or use today, or ever again and if you ever feel like you’re going to – I am happy to talk.
Xx
Jane
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