The Monster Mash & Green Jungle Juice
Daily Gratitude List - October 23rd 2023
I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a wonderful weekend, for my parents, for Timmy always being patient, for a rainy day today and the sun coming back out tomorrow. I’m grateful for one last warm day over the weekend before the cold rolls in, for coffee, my books, my journals, the pumpkin I can keep out until Thanksgiving and for a slow morning.
Good morning my friends,
As always I hope everyone had the best Hallo-weekend they could, that it was lovely - whatever that loveliness looks like for you.
I’ve been collecting a few grievances lately, whether they are real or imagined, time will tell. But patience has been fleeting on this side of the street. There are of course, a variety of reasons for why this could be happening that I have been examining with a magnifying glass in the sun, burning myself in the process. But something I tend to gloss over is that this time of year is hard.
Hallo-weekend folks. I know I’ve touched on this before (probably last year if anyone is interested in digging through the archives) but when I was younger I loved Halloween time. And in ways I still do but as I got older Halloween took on an entirely different meaning. One specific Hallo-weekend is sticking out in my mind, where I drank strange green frat house jungle juice my sophomore year in college. I’ll spare you the details here mainly for my parents who read this, but the general gist is I forgot how to walk and severely damaged a few relationships that night. And whenever I see someone dressed up as the devil now, it sends shivers down my spine.
My point isn't really to share war stories. It’s really about how squirrely this time of year makes me. I’ve talked about it before too that the summer doesn't really bother me so much, I don’t mind the beach and who may or may not be drinking on it. My true witching season (pun intended) was the shift from summer to fall, when the clubs were back in style and we attended party after party turning whatever we had in our closet into cheeky costumes.
Oktoberfest and Santa con and holiday parties. A sponsee was coming to me with her own sense of squirreliness and I shared with her that this time of year often makes me wish I was normal. That I could have two drinks and go home, or a few and not black out. That if I drank I wouldn’t burn my whole life to the ground.
And I shared that with her because I never want my sponsees to feel alone and I want them to remember I am a drunk just like them. And sometimes I don’t want to be a drunk.
But on the flip side, how beautiful is it that as a sober person, our lives mean so much more than what drinking holiday it is. That our relationships are so much deeper than those found at a frat party. That we can feel, and cry and share real untethered joy together. That the weekend isn’t spent recovering from a night out. That we can choose more than just a drink, that we can see past the drink. That this season will be over eventually, that we know these feelings will pass, that we know we don’t have to do it alone.
That sounds a lot better than weird green jungle juice (is jungle juice ever supposed to be green?!?!).
For myself I have to acknowledge that this time of year is hard. And that can show up in a variety of different ways including but not limited to lack of patience. Or a laundry list of grievances that may or may not be imaginary.
But no matter what, drinking on Halloween is not worth the sacrifice of this beautiful sober life.
xx
Jane