I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for a warm and sunny day, for a relaxing weekend and for time spent together. I’m grateful for my newest orchid, for coffee and for step work with my sponsor. I’m grateful for the ninth step, for my higher power, and for a fresh week.
Good morning my friends :)
As always, I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and that wherever you may be, Spring is in full bloom!
While Spring certainly makes my allergies go crazy however, there is so much beauty in the change of season. Growth, rebirth, death, a constant cycle.
There is a song by Chris Cornell called Seasons, in which he once said that the song was written during a time when Seattle was moving so fast, and he just wanted to slow it all down. Which perhaps is why I love the song so much? Maybe why I’ve been listening to it so much lately?
Maybe I feel left behind as the seasons roll by? Time just moves so fast and sometimes I don’t feel like I have time to catch my breath. When I sat down to write this morning, I wanted to talk about triggers. And maybe that’s why this particular song means so much to me.
It has turned out that spring is a little hard for me. I feel like I’m drowning in the negative, like I can only get my head above water for a few moments before I’m pulled back down again. Like my Higher Power isn’t as strong as the negative thoughts and by communicating how I’m feeling I’m actually manifesting the things I’m afraid of.
I feel like I keep expressing that I’m trying my best, but no one believes me and no matter how hard I do try, what I’m doing seems to be wrong because I can’t shake the negative.
I journal, I pray, I do service, I make a meeting every day, I work on the way I communicate, I work to change my attitudes and behaviors and I talk to my sponsor every day and I work the steps to the best of my ability.
So, what am I doing wrong? I’m expecting a sudden change, that’s what. I’m not accepting what is triggering me, I’m fighting the negative instead of just letting it flow in and out and I’m letting time slip by without being fully present.
The good news? This is just a season. And time will not roll by without me, if I don’t let it. Sending all the love and good energy this week. I’ll see you again and Thursday!
Xx
Jane