I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for the wonderful parents I have and hopefully being able to see them next week. I’m grateful for the life I’m building and honest relationships I have. I’m grateful for early mornings, routines, structure, my sponsees who remind me so much of me and for the program.
Hello my friends!
As per usual, I hope everyone has been enjoying the week and has something fun planned for the weekend. This scheduled post is being written by a very exhausted Jane at 10:22pm on Wednesday night because tomorrow morning (probably while you’re reading this ;) ) I have something very exciting happening that I hopefully will be able to share with you soon!
In the spirit of this exciting thing, I do feel it’s necessary to talk about change. And the love hate relationship I have with it. I love when the seasons change, when I can see how different things are, how they’ve grown and changed over time. I love change in scenery, when I spruce up the apartment, when I make a different meeting that usual, when I walk a different way to work, all of those kinds of changes.
But what I hate is the unknown that change can bring. I’m afraid of my schedule changing, not being able to spend as much time with friends, or with Timmy, or having to change my meeting or morning routine. Change is necessary and it’s how we grow, but I’m uncomfortable with the thought of being uncomfortable.
But I’m so uncomfortable with some of my current situations that I have no choice but to change.
In my first year I took almost all the suggestions that were given to me, for those who have been around here for a while you already know that I did not take the no dating in the first-year suggestion – but that’s beside the point.
I did a 90 in 90, I got a sponsor, I worked the steps, and I made no big changes in my first year. So, what’s going on now is really my first possibly big change. And it’s scary as hell, but I don’t want to be so uncomfortable anymore. I know I need to grow up a little, and face what’s in front of me and trust that HP is taking care of all of it. I know I need to stop whining and about x y and z situation that I can absolutely turn around.
So today is my first big girl step in a new direction. And my whole change speech might be for nothing because this might not pan out, but I am and taking the first step and if I can do it today, I can do it again.
And for anyone who may need to hear it, if I can do it – so can you :)
Xx
Jane