I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for two meetings yesterday, for new experiences, for a job that isn’t always easy but I love. I am grateful for feeling proud sometimes, for my friendships and for my family. I am grateful for learning, for growing, for HP and Peepa.
Good morning my friends (:
I hope everyone had a lovely weekend. For any 9ers fans, I’m sorry and for any Chiefs fans, BACK TO BACK RED KINGDOM!!
Regardless of your team preference I think we can all agree that it is so nice to wake up the day after the Super Bowl and not be hungover. To not question how you are going to make it through work. To be up and ready to tackle (pun intended) the day with no regrets from the night before.
There was a Super Bowl once where Bruno Mars was the half time show? Maybe Beyoncé? Maybe the two of them together? I can’t remember because I was completely blacked out and if I can’t tell you who the half time show was I certainly can’t tell you who actually played or won that year.
So I am especially grateful to be sober today, up a little earlier, writing here to you and easing into my day.
On another note, I heard something over the weekend, one of those things I’ve probably heard a million times but it finally clicked for me these past few days.
Replacing the “What If’s” with “Even If”. So instead of what if I make a mistake, what if I fail, what if xy or z happens…it becomes even if I make a mistake, even if I fail, even if x y or z happens I’ll still be okay.
It’s just that little change in mindset for my that makes a world of a difference. So moving forward I would like to catch myself when I start to what if everything and make that small shift to even if. Because even if is more manageable to me, feels more reassuring and is something I know to be true. Even if the worst thing happens I’ll be okay.
And to conclude here, I miss my Peeps so much. And I feel like he’s been so far away, maybe with my mom or my dad but I haven’t really felt him with me and I’ve been talking to him about how maybe I should start finding other ways to connect with him. Maybe I’ve grown past the mourning doves and I need to start looking for him in other ways.
Well desperately I still crave to see a mourning dove and know he’s with me. And every morning I look out the window and see all of the pigeons zipping around and I refuse to believe my grandfather is a pigeon.
Well I was just staring out the window (when I should’ve been writing I know) and across the way a little mourning dove flew over. And stared right at me for a while and then flew away. And that is truly all I needed to know it’s going to be okay. Even if x y or z happens (;
xx
Jane