I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for a peaceful weekend, for books I cannot put down, for taking time for myself and for being able to be there for others. I’m grateful for the way things change, for honesty and willingness. I am grateful for the people in my life, my family, my program and HP.
Goooood morning my friends (: I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend despite loosing an hour of sleep. Not sure about anyone else but to get us this morning was a struggle however, daylight savings gives me just right amount of hope for Spring and warmer days ahead.
Yesterday morning we went to a great meeting that got me thinking about some of the things I can do a little better these days. Not in a self deprecating way, more along the lines of simple observations about myself.
For starters, every night at 8:30pm EST my reminder goes off to send my sponsor my inventory. And I have ignored it every day for months. There is of course simple solutions, push the reminder back so I don’t forget, just send the fricken inventory when the reminder goes off etc. etc. etc. At the end oft the day it is important to reflect and take that inventory and the point is I haven’t been doing it so I can be a little better with that.
I also haven’t journaled in months. Journaling has always been so good for me in the sense of getting all of the shit that’s in my head on to paper, even if it’s nonsense but at least it’s only home then isn’t inside my head only. So I can be a little better with that too.
I have this resentment that has been festering for months that - perhaps if I was journaling and sending my inventory it wouldn’t be all consuming. Can be a little better there and also just the basic things - Because I work from home and don’t get out of the apartment much I can be better about taking walks getting some fresh air. I can be better about waking up earlier (not reading until 1 am & then paying for it in the morning as is my life at the moment).
My point is today is there are a TON of things I can be better about, and I will work on each of them. But I am NOT belittling myself over these things as I would have a year ago. I am not a person who does everything perfectly and I never will be so what’s the point of treating myself poorly over things I can simply change? I am not going to do that to myself anymore.
What I can going to do is set the intention to be better than I was yesterday and maybe that just looks like rebuilding the habit of sending inventory, having a serious cut off time for my nightly reading, getting up a little earlier with the incentive of journaling. None of which I will overwhelm myself by trying to do all at the same time. Just being intentional about the things I want to change.
And that to me is a much more peaceful way to live within myself.
xx
Jane