I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for seeing a friend on Friday, for a slow weekend, for it finally being Fall and for vacation coming up soon. I’m grateful for working from home, for seeing my sponsor yesterday. I’m grateful for our home, my health, being able to communicate, having this space, for finding an attitude of gratitude again. I’m grateful for coffee, really good books, HP and AA.
Morning my friends!! Hope everyone had a lovely weekend as always (: I’m on time today wooooo!
Apparently I have a lot on my mind today so let’s start with how on Friday I had the most wonderful and refreshing dinner with a dear friend and as two oyster lovers we of course had to get a dozen to start. Mom, I swear to god if you yell at me about oysters I’m going to unsubscribe you. Anyway, we got different ones to try and the whole time I was thinking about how girlfriends go out on a Friday night for wine tastings and there we were on a Friday night, two sober women oyster tasting. And it just filled me with so much joy + is a friendly reminder that sobriety is not boring. Yes you don’t drink anymore but that doesn’t mean wine tasting orrrrr whisky tasting or whatever tasting you’re into can’t be replaced with something enjoyable and yah know what? No hangover the next day. I’m so very grateful for that friend and the wonderful time we had.
That said, usually after the weekend I’m feeling pretty refreshed and I don’t know at least right now I’m still feeling a little drained. The dog has an ear infection, I doom scrolled for too long, I’ve been hitting the pavement with the work again. My therapist is trying to get me to find a hobby or something that has nothing to do with productivity. I love to read and I needle point in meetings but I feel like I need something bigger to fill my up and I don’t know what that is. I feel like the safe fall back is always something to do with art and I always want that to be an option but I feel like that road ultimately leads me back to productivity any way so what hobby is a 26 year old sober person supposed to pick up?? What is something new that’s going to fill my cup??
We’ve also been talking a ton about Substack at work which has been making me wonder if I should write differently here (a road leading me yet again back to productivity but that’s not my point right now). I obviously have been a negative Nancy the past year (no offense to any Nancy’s out there, I hate when people ask me..Oh Jane..like Jane Doe?? Or Mary Jane?? No. Just Jane) and I’ve been super self conscious about that too. That I’ve become boring, or repetitive, or straight up unreliable. But I’m being reminded of where this all began. This is the diary of a sober girl who is in her 20’s and is growing up in this program. Plenty of people have done that before me, there are people who got sober even younger than me and went to college sober, even went to HIGH SCHOOL sober. There are people who are in their 40’s now and walked this very same path that I did and at the end of the day, growing up is hard when you’re drinking and it’s especially hard when you’re sober. I still struggle to find pieces of myself and say okay - this is who I am. This is what I like and it doesn’t matter if other people don’t like it. This is what I have to say and I’m not really sorry if that’s boring or repetitive or this gigantic wrench got thrown into this and it’s taken me a while to recover from that.
This is the diary of a sober woman who is just trying to figure out life the same way everyone else is. Because life is always evolving and at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, anything can change at any given time. At 26, I think that’s the secret sauce. No one actually knows what they’re doing but we're all just doing our best (someone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). But being able to figure it out sober is really beautiful. It’s certainly not easy but we’re given a set of tools, a basic blueprint, that allows things to be just a little easier if we just choose to follow them. I’m so grateful I was given these tools so young. And I’m even more grateful that I get to pass them on to other young people.
And in the meantime, I’m going to just keep figuring out life whether anyone else likes it or not.
xx
Jane
Your honesty is such a breath of fresh air, it’s messy and beautiful in all the best ways. The way you share your journey through sobriety, friendship, work, self-doubt, gratitude, and oyster tastings (which, by the way, is iconic) is so real, it’s impossible not to feel connected. You’re not boring, Jane, you’re becoming, you’re unpacking life with curiosity and courage, and that’s magnetic. What you’re doing here isn’t about perfection or productivity, it’s about truth and you’re telling it with humor, vulnerability, and a kind of clarity most people are afraid to reach for. Sobriety isn’t the absence of fun, it’s the presence of self and you’re living proof. Whether it’s art, reading, or just naming what hurts and what heals, you’re building something solid out of all the pieces, and honestly? That’s far from ordinary. Keep going, just like this whether others get it or not, this path is yours, and you’re walking it with heart.