Why Some People Get It?
I'm grateful for a quiet, calming run in the overcast weather where I allowed my body to heal instead of pushing too hard. I'm grateful for handling a situation tactfully and pulling out my "asshole" card only at the very end when it was warranted. I'm grateful for getting out of self by connecting with others. I'm grateful for giving myself grace after thinking a defect took over in a more powerful way than I would've liked. I'm grateful for a silent reading event with strangers, there's something weirdly comforting about this communal exercise. I'm grateful for being swept away by how impactful an author's words were - simultaneously devastating and beautiful. I'm grateful for sobriety giving me the opportunity to reflect on situations rather than rush through them with no consideration. I'm grateful my sponsee was honest about his day count. I'm grateful for Harper being a buddy at all times without fail. I'm grateful for a partner with whom I can vent and receive constructive feedback and vice versa. I'm grateful for our neighbors - each one seems cool in their own special way. I'm grateful for understanding life is constantly changing and that I'll be ok even if more big changes are to come on the horizon. I'm grateful the desire to have even an iota of vodka remains totally absent. I'm grateful for the work we've put into creating a cozy, comfy, welcoming home.
Why does recovery work for some people while others simply can't get it?
It would be amazing to have an answer to this question - for others, for myself, for all of society really. Like why did my cousin, who was born a year earlier on the exact same day, who grew up in fairly similar circumstances, and who even went to the UES sober home where I started my AA journey, pass away from alcoholism at 34 while I, at 40, remain alive.
There are several people I presently know confronting their unhealthy relationship with drinking. Most of them don't believe the "alcoholic" label, as prescribed by AA, accurately portrays their drinking. It can feel too extreme because they have a beautiful family and successful career, or they cringe at the very real societal stigma AA has, or a plethora of other reasons. Luckily in our world today we can choose from a multitude of resources to handle our drink problem.
Reframe is probably the most popular option for those in my circle. I've engaged with the app a bit out of curiosity. The concepts are basically AA (suggesting healthy ways to offset bad habits/thoughts), but packaged in a more modern, scientific, techy fashion. Whereas AA primarily relies on a book published in 1939, resources like Reframe blend a mix of physician-backed studies, social media-esque community support feeds, and recorded personal essays to help people seeking relief.
Honestly whatever journey folks want to explore to eradicate or manage their addictions is commendable. I don't know why AA has continued clicking for me. I mean, I have a general sense of why. Yet it'd be challenging to put into a rigid formula for others to replicate since my relationship with AA is constantly evolving as life progresses. I do understand that three things had to happen early on for me to let the language of AA into my head and heart:
Ego-deflation - Thoughts like "I've done terrible things nobody else can relate to" or "I am the worst person incapable of changing" were omnipresent in my head. Realizing I am not at the pinnacle of any "worst of" mountain was crucial for gaining a balanced perspective on matters.
Self-pity deflation - related to ego, but getting out of this vicious "woe is me" mentality was tough. If you only had MY burdens, MY grievances, MY whatever then you'd comprehend my drinking. But you can never therefore goodbye world, hello blackout. However being constantly enamored with my demons was incredibly destructive. Embracing the service-oriented mindset of AA has liberated me considerably from self-pity.
Grace - Finding ways to forgive myself for past transgressions by making amends in whatever ways I can so my outsized self-hatred diminishes has been a game changer. Knowing I am perfectly imperfect and working to honestly grow from my mistakes, not simmer in them, has only happened because I've allowed my mind to regularly send some grace in my direction.
Before joining the Program I had many misconceptions on what being an alcoholic meant. A lot of those misconceptions were subsequently projected onto AA as it's the first thing that people think about when wanting to address their drinking. Media's standard portrayal of the rooms doesn’t exactly paint a flattering picture. I wonder whether something like Reframe would have been as effective had it entered my life at the time I needed it the most. Maybe. But I can't wonder about changing the past, only that I now have AA and it has served as a gentle on-ramp for my personal recovery. Regardless of the path we decide to take, I do feel like ego and self-pity deflation alongside treating oneself with grace are vital components for getting out of our insidious addictions.
