I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for my sponsor who always makes me laugh and feel better, for such a wonderful time reading with a sponsee yesterday, for seeing my sister on Saturday and seeing my family again next weekend. I am grateful for a clean apartment, patience, prayer and three really great meetings yesterday.
Good morning my friends :)
As always, I hope everyone had a lovely weekend, filled with rest and rejuvenation and whatever you need to make it a nice weekend.
I was pondering what to write about this morning while I walked around my apartment when I stopped to look at my aloe plant which is now flowering. I have never seen an aloe flower so at first, I needed to text a friend to make sure it wasn’t an alien growing out of my plant. (It’s definitely not).
My flowering aloe is the gentlest reminder that I am worthy and valid. That I am doing okay enough, that another living being is so happy under my care that it is flowering. The same with my spider plant, so happy under my care that it has made a spider baby that I just don’t want to cut off because that kind of feels intrusive.
When I was little my mom would say to me that I was wise beyond my years. And for so many years I felt so lost, so unworthy, not valid or incapable. Yesterday, I wrote out an inventory with my sponsor where in the end I determined that God would have me seek security and validation from inside myself.
Well guys, I think those who struggle with validating themselves, or seeing that good parts of themselves are allowed to share out loud how far they have come without it coming out as ego, or cockiness, or arrogance.
I have kept my plants so happy that they are growing new plants, I have worked so hard for all of the things I have today - my program, my sponsees, my relationship, my job. I have never given up on doing service, or working the steps. I have turned to God almost every step of the way and when I feel blocked from God I seek new ways to connect. I am certainly not a perfect person and today I can see that I need to revisit steps 6 and 7 again as an everyday practice. I show up for my friends, I show up for my family, I took to this program like a fish to water which is such a blessing to me because not everyone gets that.
I am angry and I have asked God for help, I am sad and I have asked God for help. I have never given up on myself or helping others and all of those things make me plenty worthy.
We are all incredibly worthy, capable and valid.
XX
Jane
You are amazing, worthy, valid, smart, loving, beautiful, just to name a few things. I couldn’t be more proud to be your mom. And you have taken to sobriety and your program like a little duckling takes to water.