And Now A Word From Your Sponsor

Chapter One

Hello, my name is Tommy, and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. My sobriety date is July 10, 2009. You may have heard my interview with Randall in Breakfast with an Alcoholic: Episode 19. If you caught any of our conversation, you already know a little bit about my story and that I am obsessed with The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as the definitive source of information and direction on AA’s Twelve-Step Recovery Program.

On page xi of the Preface to the Fourth Edition of the Book it states:

Because this book has become the basic text for our Society and has helped such large numbers of alcoholic men and women to recovery, there exists strong sentiment against any radical changes being made in it. Therefore, the first portion of this volume, describing the AA recovery program, has been left largely untouched in the course of revisions made for the second, third, and fourth editions.

Since this is the first installment of And Now a Word from Your Sponsor, I think it only fair at the outset to describe what I will try to cover in the weeks to come. “To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this Book” and it will also be the main purpose of each installment I will share with you. It will be my job and commitment to make sure you have all the information and support possible in a way you might find useful, informative, and maybe even entertaining, to begin, or continue, your journey of sobriety. It is also my goal to reinforce the belief that your recovery journey can be filled with love, compassion, good humor, spiritual growth, acceptance, understanding, joy, friendship, service and a sense of purpose and fulfillment beyond your wildest expectations.

I do not for a moment assume my way is the only way, or even the best way, all I do know is that I have tried to follow exactly the programmatic steps contained within the first 164-pages of the Book. While I will often reference other authors, publications, and noted speakers on relevant topics, I and they will always be referring to, and reinforcing specific passages and teachings contained in the Book. Along the way funny stories will be shared, the history of our fellowship will be discussed, and we will cover some interesting personalities that have factored prominently in AAs’ development and success. I will also openly and honestly share with you some of my own personal challenges while actively abusing alcohol and those challenges that still arise in sobriety for as they say all we are promised “is life on life’s terms”.

My desire to share these experiences with you derives from my now life-long commitment to the 12th Step (a step we will delve into in greater depth in future editions) and my belief that I was given a Gift of Grace that I certainly did not deserve when I received it and some days still don’t even in sobriety. To make sure I can forever hold on to that Gift of Grace, and rely upon it when I need it most, I must strive to give it away every day to someone else who needs it as much as I do. Another important belief for me is that I can only give away that which I possess. If I have not faithfully and carefully worked the Steps, how can I in good conscience help show you how to do the Steps as set forth in the Book. I must practice what I preach, and I must live these principles in all my affairs.

While I focus my sponsorship teachings as closely as possible on the content of the Book, I also believe other aspects of AA like fellowship, meetings, service commitments, putting time between you and your last drink or drug, and qualifying when asked are important. In my view, my interpretation of the Book, and my own sobriety journey, have made it clear to me that those things are not the equivalent of truly working the 12-Steps, or as Father Joe Martin would say working and living the 12-Principles of AA.

This last observation, or qualification if you will, is important to me personally because as the Book describes I have the type of alcoholism that is chronic, progressive, and ultimately fatal if left untreated. My repeated incomprehensible demoralization following every binge and every failed resolve to not let it happen again ultimately proved to me I was powerless over alcohol. It also became apparent that my alcoholism would lead me to kill myself with a drink or kill myself because I could not live without taking a drink. The Book taught me, and it can teach you, that there is a solution and if you want it, we can explore that solution together in each future edition.

I will be using terms like Newcomer, Sponsor and Sponsee so let us agree on the definition of each for our time together. I consider the Newcomer as someone who may think they have a problem with alcohol, or their employer, or a judge, or their partner, or their family may believe they have a problem with alcohol, and they are, therefore, forced by their circumstances to check out what AA has to offer. Or a Newcomer may be someone who has experienced several consequences from their drinking and a friend or acquaintance has offered to take them to a meeting or share their experience with them. The Newcomer is someone who now knows AA exists but has not yet made any decisions or actions with respect to AA one way or the other. We will discuss this notional Newcomer in the future when we discuss the best ways for us to extend the hand of AA to the still sick and suffering. If you are a Newcomer welcome, you are in a safe place and you don’t have to drink today if you choose not to. I am here to help as best I can to help you achieve that goal of sobriety if you are willing to take certain steps, we grateful recovered alcoholics have taken when having found ourselves where you may be at this moment.

All it takes to move from Newcomer to Sponsee is one small step forward, albeit an especially crucial step forward, and that is the willingness to speak to someone to learn more about the AA 12-Step recovery process. Up until this point you or they may have attended a meeting, known someone in AA, thought about quitting or slowing down your drinking, but now you have decided you want to quit, and you want to have what we have. A Sponsor is nothing more than the person that the Sponsee asks to be their guide taking them through the Book and the 12-Step recovery journey. It is my hope and prayer that you will be able to use this column in the weeks and months to come to help encourage you, or a friend, to start or continue your recovery journey. I will also strive to provide you with encouragement, tools, observations, Book passages, tips, and techniques to aid you not only in your Sponsorship selection process, but also support to maximize your recovery experience and spiritual growth.

In closing a joke about the concept of Progress versus Perfection and perhaps the ability to just be thinking in terms of One Day at a Time and not making commitments beyond just today but still trying to the best of our abilities.¹

In a rural town in Iowa, in a pretty religious household, a little boy starts petitioning his parents in early July for a brand-new bicycle for Christmas. His mother and father inform him that God, not Santa, will be making the determination of worthiness and that if can be a particularly good boy between now and Christmas it might be possible that his fervent wish would be answered. Shortly thereafter, the little boy goes into his room and starts writing:

“Dear God, if you give me a new bicycle for Christmas, I will be a good boy for the rest of the year.”

He quickly realizes he cannot possibly be a good boy for another six months straight and he certainly does not want to lie to God especially not now with the bike on the line. So, he writes another letter promising 3 months, tears that one up as well and writes another promising a month, then 2 weeks then 1 week. Running out of ideas he sees the statue of the Virgin Mary his mother has placed in his room. He carefully wraps the statue it in his softest sweater and then places it in a shoe box at the back of his closet. He takes out a fresh piece of paper and writes:

“Dear God, if you ever want to see your Mother again….”

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I hope you will enjoy reading And Now a Word from Your Sponsor as much as I will enjoy bringing it to you. Lastly, if you do not understand yet how the 12th Step and my own miracle of recovery can motivate me so strongly to offer this service to you, I will defer to Dr. Bob Smith’s (co-founder of AA) answer when he was asked the same question at AA functions.

I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learned to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons:

Sense of duty.

It is a pleasure.

Because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me.

Because every time I do it, I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip.

Wishing you willingness, acceptance, tolerance, health, happiness, love and all the promises sobriety can fulfill in your life and in the lives of those with whom you come in contact.

Fondly,

Your Sponsor

1. In case it’s not clear, I’m still doing the footnotes and the copy around the buttons.