I’m grateful for a snowy, cold morning. I’m grateful for the Bach cello concertos playing. I’m grateful for things falling into place. I’m grateful for a plan taking shape. I’m grateful for realizing what’s not about me. I’m grateful to be sober today.
I understand that part of the allure of the “Mystery ?? Button,” to the extent there is any, would be connected to the “mystery” part of the equation. Thus, an explanation of the “Mystery ?? Button,” or its rationale, undercuts the whole idea and potential appeal of the “Mystery ?? Button. So, this is why the “Mystery??Button” is about an undeservedly semi-obscure ABA and NBA superstar, Artis Gilmore. Why? I couldn’t find the exact clip, but it was an ABA or NBA All-Star Game, Artis Gilmore, all 7’2” of him, 8 feet tall with his hair at maximum height, and also very, very menacing facial hair, was displeased with the referee’s call, and as he trotted back up-court, briefly paused where said referee was conferring with the official scorer, gave said referee a friendly, athlete-style swat on the butt and then with the ABC microphone on, because Keith Jackson (I think) was only two feet away, you heard the “A-Train,” say in a very big and friendly way,
C’mon, Baby!
Now, you might be genuinely puzzled. It’s a legitimate snow day here in NYC and after six weeks of fawning over the new job, new career type of stuff, well, it’s a snow day and I’m going to be putting a nice sweater over the PJs for today’s work calls, which is another semi-rambling way of saying, enough about me, how about you? At some point, around October of last year, I announced that we were going to march through the Twelve Steps in a very deliberate and organized way. And, man, we were on it for a while:
I’m not going to say, “life got life-y,” because I hate that phrase, but a lot of stuff has been going on. Anyway, I’m giving myself a metaphorical A-Train butt-slap, “C’mon baby, get your head in the game.” It’s time to get back to work. So, I’m announcing some important, programmatic news; we will soon be starting a very comprehensive work-through of Step Four. Here’s why that is exciting: Our very own
is also going to be doing this with me, from the Sponsee point of view. IRL, I actually occupy the “Sponsor,” seat. However, if you’ve been reading what he’s been writing, the positions may have already flipped.I will tell you that his departure from NYC, while fantastic from nearly every possible aspect for Sean and his partner, leaves this self-absorbed alcoholic feeling a bit sad. But in a very, very generous gesture, I am now the caretaker of many new plants. Between the plants and Zoom, we’ll make it work. One of the great gifts of the Program is the Sponsor-Sponsee relationship and I’m very fortunate to have had several of those. It’s not possible that I would I be sober today were it not for the people who have sponsored me, and I certainly wouldn’t be sober today without the opportunity to sponsor the people I’ve had the chance to work with. Which is not to say that all of those stories have happy endings. But that’s part of the Program, too.
Anyway, the plan is for me and
to divide and conquer the gigantic, imposing, do-I-really-have-to-do-this, immensely-steep mountain of a forbidding process that is known as, The Fourth Step.Innocently enough, this step simply asks the lying, usually-deceitful (all alleged!) alcoholic to make a “searching and fearless moral inventory of [themselves].” Like “innocently” giving your new vampire friend a necklace with a cross dangling from the bottom. No, it’s nothing like that, actually. But we are going to present our spreadsheets and worksheets and I’m going to go through the actual kinds of assignments that were inflicted as part of this process and Sean is going to very gracefully turn my abstruse requests into very beautiful chapters of personal growth, just as it unfolded in actual, real life.
I have come to see that really working this step, and spending a fair amount of time on it, is really, really important. I think very many people, this alcoholic included, got the willy’s from the “searching and fearless” part and also the “moral inventory” part. But as I’ve worked it with different sponsors and sponsees, in very different formats, I’ve come to see it really is just the very normal stock-taking that every business, every rational person engages in on a pretty regular basis. Of course, “stock-taking” is what the whole drinking thing was designed to prevent. So maybe it’s not so innocent.
Anyway, it’s super-important and very impactful for all involved, and if you’d like to work along with us, we’ll share the worksheets (this is like the “home version” of those great game shows) and you can do it from the comfort of your own living room. I will be posting the writing prompts that we used [or will be using] and again, you’re welcome to play along from home. Also, since we’re pushing pretty hard on the
bandwagon (which will make him very, very uncomfortable), he is the one who runs the Tuesday Night AA meeting that we’ve come to know as the Anyone Anywhere Meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous:This is an open meeting and we typically read a story or two from the back of the Big Book and then discuss. We’d love to have you, but again, not really the point. Here’s the point: We are going to tackle the Fourth Step in a “teamwork makes the dream work” fashion. There’s just one thing we need to do before we launch that huge life-changing enterprise: The Third Step.
Don’t worry, we can knock this out pretty fast. It just says:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood [God].
Yeah, sure, that sounds like a great idea. That would be the way I answered that “question” many times during my alcoholic career. I mean, if you argue with the Third Step, you do look like kind of a dick. Pretty egotistical. Which I guess is kind of the secret point to it, if you happen to be the self-run, riot of an alcoholic, which I was. I’m going to give you a pro tip here: “okay,” is not a sufficient answer and you are required to show your work.
The questions I think need to be answered are these:
What does “our will and our lives” mean? How are those two things different? How are they connected?
What does “turn[ing] over” stuff mean? Is that a real thing or something we just say? How do you actually do it? How will you know if it’s working?
Where do you stop and where does God (your Higher Power) begin?
What is your understanding of your Higher Power? How will you communicate with said Higher Power in connection with the “turning over” stuff?
Is this a one-time thing?
So, we’re going to cover those on Friday, and then we should be good and just in time for that long President’s Day weekend. Hahahah. No, but we are going to get back to it, working these Steps is what set me free, and since I aim to stay that way, we’re going to get back at it.
I know I haven’t left, but it’s just really good to be back.
Great Mystery ?? button. I think that's Don Criqui on the PBP.