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Sarah Miller's avatar

I’ve always experienced reading old journals as basically peeling off my own skin — so painful I want to stop every second. I have journals I’ve never even touched because I’m still not ready.

As for wondering why it took you so long: it took exactly the time it needed to take. That’s part of letting go and letting God, right? God’s timeline, not yours, even retrospectively.

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T.B.D.'s avatar

That's exactly right and so beautifully said, although I think I managed to keep the light out for longer than I was supposed to. The timelines and events are all such a mystery and all I can think is that this is how willingness is created and sometimes it can take a little longer than expected to pound all of the necessary willingness through a very thick wall.

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Rebecca Holden's avatar

Our archived journals are the best for giving us perspective, aren't they? The armour of time between us and them gives us protection from the pain of reading about the horrid things, while being in the here and now can give us insight into how to feel about them. Great post.

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T.B.D.'s avatar

Thank you very much! Not to get all philosophical, but it had me thinking about the importance of reading and I think that's because to read and understand something you have to understand a little about how the writer thinks--seeing how I did think and re-experiencing some of those events through the lens of how I think now has let me see so much more and that helps put away the things that need to be put away.

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