I’m grateful for old dogs and new tricks. I’m grateful for a pretty excellent cup of coffee on a pretty, gloomy morning. I’m grateful for punctuation. I’m grateful for moments of inspiration. I’m grateful for seeing past distractions. I’m grateful to be sober today.
I was reading in Chapter 7 of the Big Book (“Working With Others”) the other day with a sponsee and a number of things jumped out at us. The Big Book has a pretty singular approach to what is necessary for an OG Alcoholic to get sober: A spiritual awakening. It has a pretty similarly focused approach to what is necessary to maintain sobriety: Working with other alcoholics.
Practical Experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics!
Big Book, p. 89
This is pretty strong stuff. Bill W is basically guaranteeing sobriety in this passage, “Nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking!”1 I tend to think this is not an exaggeration; the power in working with other alcoholics and addicts is undeniable. The simple acts of reading with a Sponsee or talking with a friend, sharing the Program and my experience with others, are profoundly transforming. I’ve read the Big Book a lot and I still see new nuggets all of the time.2 There is nothing that widens and deepens my spiritual connection to myself, the Program, to others and to my Higher Power than working with another alcoholic.
So that’s one cool thing, but it’s not the only cool thing. It turns out that we alcoholics tend to be some kind of Ninja-trained, special operator-style, elite force capable of daring hostage-type rescue missions for the still sick and suffering.3 Ok, that’s not exactly how the Big Book puts it:
You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail…but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics…
ibid.
Reading this chapter conveys a pretty clear image of Bill W as kind of an operator. He was a pretty masterful storyteller and salesman and you can see that on full display as he takes you through his “pitch” in Chapter 7. Not surprisingly, Bill’s approach is pretty gentle and subtle:
See your [alcoholic] alone, if possible. At first engage in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell her enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage her to speak of herself. If she wishes to talk, let her do so…If she is not communicative, give a sketch of your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment, of how that was accomplished…When [the alcoholic] sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic.
Big Book, p. 91
Bill W one hundred percent plays the long con. It’s all about establishing confidence, common ground, showing a high level of education about the matter-at-hand along with that the truth-is-not so-far-away bravado that is really important in closing deals. Bill takes a slow, measured approach to his target; there is no lecturing, no suggestion that there is but one way, no list of specific requirements or actions that have to be taken to obtain sobriety, no pledges, no conditions, no proclamations or ultimatums. Bill emphasizes a slow, empathic approach, punctuated with humorous asides, but complete authenticity and genuineness in the relating of the story, especially the part about getting saved. Bill does a fantastic job of laying a trap, but one that closes really, really gently:
Even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his condition, she has become very curious to know how you got well. Let her ask you that question, if she will. Tell her exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. If the woman be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that she does not have to agree with your conception of God. She can choose any conception she likes, provided it makes sense to her.4
Big Book, pp. 92-93
The big finish:
The main thing is that they be willing to believe in a Power greater than themselves and live by spiritual principles.
See, that didn’t hurt a bit. There is an element of Tom-Sawyer tricked labor and plain old Hucksterism to the Big Book, but Bill's pitch, the story he's selling, well, as I like to say, it has the benefit of being true.5 The hardest part in this, and also the part that leads to a lot of the heartbreak, is the part where the alcoholic has to take the last step themselves, has to finally want to hear the answer to the question, has to decide if they can imagine a different way of living, has to decide whether it's possible that there is some power/force/tendency in the entire, far-flung Universe that might possibly be capable of ending the madness in their life.
Not nearly enough of us get to that place. Bill knew from his own experience how perilous those first steps are and how often we lose our footing. Bill understood the importance of that internal commitment to the first step, to the journey, but once the alcoholic wants what we have, then we have the opportunity to close the deal, which involves giving back what has been so freely given to us. And that seems to do a pretty solid job of keeping this alcoholic sober.
Thanks for Letting Me Share
It’s not clear whether this is transactional or use immunity, but guessing from other comments in the text, one would guess that Bill W might lean towards the “Queen-for-a-Day” species of immunity.
It’s possible that these nuggets were in plain view for most of the rest of you. Also, been finding a lot of pennies these days.
I will tell the story one of these days of my own “Sober Ops” team and our mission to try and re-establish contact with a relapsed friend.
Can a doorknob really restore you to sanity?
Kind of a lawyer joke.