I’m grateful for an early morning. I’m grateful for my new roommate and grateful to get to make my daughter breakfast on her first day at her new job. I’m grateful for where the program has brought me. I’m grateful for the love in my heart and the chance to show someone what they mean to me. I’m grateful for a new garden hose. I‘m grateful for a chance to write this list every day. I’m grateful to be sober today.
If you were to ask me about a dream job…1 I didn’t think I needed to mention this, but if you’d like to listen to an episode of Breakfast with an Alcoholic multiple times, that’s completely cool and this one is definitely worth listening to again:
I moved to NYC in September 2020 and this is the longest period of time that I haven’t had a dog since roughly 1970.2 I have a lot of theories about why dogs are so important to me, but I will tell you that Kayla the Dog saw me through some pretty rough times and she lived a very stately and elegant sixteen years.
I’m not sure why we’re going full dog here today, but Kayla was technically my daughter’s dog and this all may have something to do with the fact that my daughter is staying with me. She and I had some rough times and I managed to push her pretty far away. One of the things that is different for me this time is that I learned to keep my mouth shut. I stopped trying to persuade everyone how sober I was. I stopped sharing all of those tremendous insights that showed how I was finally getting it. I shut up and showed up, as they say. I answered the phone when she called. When she wanted to see me, I said “Yes!” When there was a chance to help her, I was available. When she was busy or didn’t want to see me, I didn’t push. I let her come to me on her terms.
The insight I did have was that all of the anger and sarcasm and distrust came from fear not dislike. It came because she loved me so much. I realized she was afraid of me and correctly afraid to trust me. AA is premised on the power of example and attraction—so I decided I was just going to show up and give her as many opportunities to observe me as she wanted and let her draw her own conclusions.
She’s starting a new job here in NYC and she’s staying with me all week. I got to make her breakfast on her first day.
It works if you work it.
Thanks for Letting Me Share
I’m a dog-person. I may mean that literally.
My first dog, a bribe from my parents to ease the pain of yet another move, this one to Iowa City in the Third Grade, was named “Jente” by my Mom. That’s Norwegian for “Girl,” in case you didn’t know. Why did my dog have a Norwegian name? Another day, long story. But, yeah, my first dog was literally named “Girl.” One day, I’ll get my “Astro.”