I’m grateful to have seen the sun rise this morning. I’m grateful for lots of little gifts. I’m grateful for all the times the Universe cuts me some slack. I’m grateful it’s Friday. I’m grateful for the honeybees in the lavender. I’m grateful for the ideas that come out of no where. I’m grateful for pretty good coffee. I’m grateful to be sober today.
I often feel a wave of regret when I push the “Publish” button. Often times, it’s because that’s when I realize that I’ve failed to correct an obvious error, like having the wrong date on the gratitude list or any number of sloppy typos. After publishing the Liner Notes yesterday I felt that familiar wave of regret and would like to make it clear that I don’t think that God has somehow annointed Breakfast with an Alcoholic as his chosen podcast.1 Although, to be fair, God has also not said Breakfast with an Alcoholic isn’t his favorite podcast—so just saying.
I guess, in a larger sense, being in a spot where I’m not sure what’s God idea and what’s mine is probably a pretty good place to be. At some level, the idea that God could play this kind of role in my life, or that I would be willing to discuss it openly, is pretty preposterous. That’s because I found the idea of a God busy closing windows and opening doors to be preposterous. That’s because my conception of God was preposterous.2 As I’ve said now many times, the main limit to God’s power in my life appears to be my own imagination.
The other day, when I wrote about my conception of God, I came up with a list of attributes I think God might possess:
It’s not my intention to try to define God, because when I do that I’m just limiting the role that God could play in my life. Every time I started trying to define or circumscribe my world, I always end up putting myself in the middle and putting God on the outer edges. That has never worked out very well for me. I’ve realized my job is to remain open and willing to believe that God can and will act in my life in ways that I can’t understand and will take me to places I couldn’t have predicted, but that things will be okay. I guess that’s what I call faith.
Happy Friday!
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God was not preposterous, but my limited conception of God was.
I too feel similar waves of regret when I publish something, but I think that comes back to my tendency to self flagellate. I’ve found that as long as I’m being as open and authentic as I can, then that’s what primarily matters.