I’m grateful for a gorgeous sunrise this morning. I’m grateful for a pretty delicious dinner last night. I’m grateful it’s Friday. I’m grateful for seeing exactly what I need to see. I’m grateful for seeing things differently. I’m grateful for a different light in my world. I’m grateful to be sober today.
I was up early this morning and right away a potential working title for today’s effort popped into my head: “The Tyranny of the Daily Gratitude List.” I padded into the kitchen, cleaned up a little,1started the coffee process and then looked out the window and saw the sun coming up. I went out on the balcony, took that picture and then sat out there drinking coffee and loving the feeling of having an entire city all to myself for a little bit. And, the working title for today’s gratitude list started to change.
I sometimes have ideas about what I want to write about. I have scribbled notes and lists everywhere, but when I sit down and write the words “I’m grateful” and wait a little bit, what comes out usually surprises me. What is really surprising is where it sometimes takes me after I hit the “Publish” button.2 Yesterday, I ended up writing about courage and faith. One of the things that changed my mood this morning was this:
I’ve highlighted Tatiana’s work before. I think she’s brilliant and funny and I loved the way she described her “breakthroughs” as “moments of courage—big and small.” I loved this because it showed me that living a life of courage doesn’t always require showy acts of bravery, it mostly just involves following my heart. It brought me back to one of my God-moments—the one in the locker room at the gym where I was told:
Do the thing you don’t know how to do.
As I’ve said, I found that divine imperative, if that’s what it was, a little confusing. My first reaction was that it couldn’t possibly be an organizing principle in my life. The list of things I don’t know how to do is long and pretty dangerous, so there had to be some nuance to the direction I was given. The nuance was that it didn’t have to be a big, bold grand thrust into the unknown—there only had to be an openness to what’s new and uncharted for me and a willingness to tolerate some uncertainly and believe that things will be ok if I explore a little. Way better, actually. That reminded me of this:
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.
Big Book, p. 12
As much as I’d like to suggest that God somehow directed me to start a podcast, that, of course, is not the case. The direction I got was directional: Be willing, Be open, the path is unknown and that’s ok. That's actually the point, right? That’s why it’s called “Finding the Path.” I hope this is cool, but Tatiana summed it up perfectly3:
I’m realizing now that courage is just the willingness to let my heart guide me where I need to go and faith is the thing that lets me take the next step. All I have to do is be willing to believe and then pay attention to what unfolds.
Thanks for Letting Me Share
Perhaps you recall that I believe I reside here with a relatively benign ghost. However, could that ethereal presence really be eating Frosted Flakes at night? The mystery deepens.
One thing that happens after I hit the “Publish” button is that I initiate my regular traffic monitoring protocols. If you’d like a hint as to what I consider “regular,” it might be helpful to know that as a young lawyer, I used to bill for my time in tenths of an hour.
Seriously, check it out:
Lots of time to read this week as I take my brother to his appointments each morning, so I already read Tatiana’s post in the wee hours. I immediately thought--Brave!--which reminded me of your gratitude post yesterday. I’m considering how I can have courage today.
Rooting for you on your own path of courage. You are inspiring me every day with what you’re doing here. Thank you so much for your words ❤️ and introducing me to another beautiful gem (Do the thing you don’t know how to do.)