I’m grateful it’s Friday. I’m grateful for a kind of weird, disjointed week. I’m grateful for coffee in one of my favorite mugs. I’m grateful for a clean-ish desk. I’m grateful for for chances to dig in. I’m grateful to be sober today.
Happy Friday. No exclamation point because the confidence interval on that doesn’t really justify it. It’s been a week with two Mondays and a Tuesday holiday, so far. I may have mentioned, I’m a creature of routine and it doesn’t take much to get things spinning pretty crazily. The song this week was easy.1 I was at the park resolving my fears and frustrations on the basketball court2 and my HP/DJ thought I should hear this,3 and s/he was right:
I found that it was pretty much impossible to miss shots while this was playing. And there is even potentially a recovery-type theme to it. And speaking of a potentially, recovery-type theme, that brings us to the Anyone Anywhere Meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous:
We finished the Big Book! Well, at least the first 164-pages and we face some decisions about what to do next. Here are some of the preliminary ideas. First, we are probably going back to an invited-speaker format, so I will be looking for people willing to share their stories. Second, we are going to start reading some of the stories in the back of the Big Book. I think some of those are really interesting and they don’t get as much attention as they probably should—and we aim to fix that. I think we’ll let the speaker pick one if they’d like and we can also take nominations from the floor. A few people have suggested that we read parts of “Living Sober” and the “12-and-12,” and I’m very down for that.
Third, and this falls into the category of really only semi-baked;4 I’d like to find a way to introduce some Step work into the meeting. It would be focused on the first Three Steps and involve writing and reading projects—all completely voluntary and sharing is not required. I think there is no substitute for working these intensively with a sponsor. But I also think the first Three Steps provide a very solid introduction to the Program and how it really works. I’m thinking that it might help newcomers understand the structure of the Program and get a sense for what “Working the Steps” is all about.
I guess I’m trying to come up with a hybrid-format that is part AA meeting, part Book Club and part Step Workshop. It’s possible that’s not all feasible, and that’s cool. There are lots of really great meetings out there and I’m not looking to re-invent the wheel or displace your favorite meeting. I’m looking to add something different to the line-up and your thoughts and ideas are most welcome.
Next Topic. Slightly Related. Perhaps you have noticed the “Field Sobriety Guide” tab on the TFLMS home page and wondered what’s that? Jane and I are working on developing a series of Field Sobriety Guides, designed to help people navigate the Steps and using AA Conference-Approved Literature, but also adding in ideas from some external sources, like “Designing Your Life” by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans, “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron and a personal favorite, “The Mountain is You,” by Brianna Wiest.
Working my Program and writing this newsletter have given me a lot of ideas. Too many ideas, to be honest. I’ve been trying out some of them on the Sponsees and they seem to have managed to stay sober; they’re even kind of complicit in all of this. I’m very sensitive about this not being seen as replacing the Big Book or doing my own version of the Program. I also don’t see the Program or the Big Book as being about a series of rote exercises and repeating pithy sayings in church basements. Fundamentally, I see the Big Book and the Program as being a series of questions to ask oneself, prompts to discover what’s really inside and how to make things better.
Those questions and prompts led me down a path, and my path will be inherently different than anyone else’s. The process is what we have in common and the shared goal of eliminating our obsession with alcohol (or whatever). What comes in between? Well, your mileage may vary. But I think the way we end the obsession with alcohol is not simply by stopping drinking—it’s following the questions posed by the Steps, by the Big Book, using those prompts to rediscover what was lost.
When done correctly, this leads to a life that is not just alcohol free, but, well, “Happy, Joyous and Free.” The point of following those prompts is to develop our own conception of a Higher Power that can help restore us to sanity. Is it a little off the wall? Yes. Does it make a certain former gray or blue-suited litigator really uncomfortable to talk about this spiritual nonsense.?Yes. Does it work? Yes. As my high school German teacher, Frau Galer used to say5,
“Fragen? Gut.”
Anyway, I’m a little ahead of my skis here, but we will be putting out the first few Guides soon and I’m interested in finding some people who’d maybe like to work through a eight or twelve-week AA/Big Book/Step “class,” for want of a better word. My thought is that instead of reading all 164-pages together, there would be reading assignments, writing assignments and, as always, sharing work would be encouraged but strictly voluntary. I don’t want to replace anyone’s Sponsor. I just have some ideas about working the Steps with writing prompts, external sources and swanky spreadsheets.
Also, the thing I want to convey is not dissatisfaction with AA or anything. Everyone is different and what worked for me, might not work for you. There’s no right or wrong in that, everyone’s approach needs to be their own. I came to realize that working the steps was not like a take-home Geometry test over the weekend. It was the key to unlocking a happy, satisfying life. The Steps were not about constructing a cage to keep me safe from alcohol. As the Big Book says:
Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do.
Big Book, p. 100.
I read that as permission to be a pirate about all of this—a challenge to do all of the things alcoholics are not supposed to do (except, still no drinking!). Like live full vibrant lives full of meaning and purpose, recovering a sense of self that allows us to finally show up authentically in relationships. Being able to see ourselves honestly and not feel compelled to flee from the vision in the mirror. Finding gratitude and teachings in even the hardest situations. To trust that things will be okay, groovy even, if we just let them unfold the way they are somehow meant to unfold.
That’s the idea. To boldly go where alcoholics (and addicts) are not meant to go (again, no drinking). To repeat myself, I would love your thoughts and if you’d be interested in doing something like this, let me know because nothing is really set in stone yet. Also, hope you can join us on Tuesday Night at 7pm.
Have a groovy Friday.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers version is pretty good. Could we get them for the Bill Wilson Dinner Dance? If the right person asked, I’ll bet you could 100% get Aerosmith to do it. They went as a band to Caron and lived in the dorms. There is an urban legend about the song “Love in an Elevator.”
Frighteningly, this is a huge improvement over the old process.
Who do you think goes to work when you hit the “shuffle” button Spotify?
Yes, this is a potato reference.
Frau Galer’s pedagogical style was not premised on answering questions.
I’m willing to follow “the bouncing ball” in your new approach to the BB...I’m sure Bill would have said “yes”...this is what is supposed to happen. LMK where the “sign up” sheet is. 😎
It’s kinda the promises, right?