I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for all of the people I send my gratitude list to and all of the people who send it back. I am grateful for a Christmas tree that is full of presents underneath. I’m grateful for HP, for coffee, for rest, for music, good books, asking for, receiving and giving help.
Good morning my friends :)
As always I hope everyone has been enjoying the week there is something fun on the horizon for you this weekend!
So today is my company's holiday party and well, I’m thinking about it pretty alcoholicly. Do I flip the wine glass over when I sit down? Do I just hand it back to the waiter? That feels more like I’d be drawing attention to myself. Do I get there early and take the wine glass to the bar and say please put soda in this and by the way I’m a drunk so please don’t come over and ask me if i’d like a drink? What do I say if someone asks me why I’m not drinking? I basically want to write “I’m in AA - please don’t ask questions” on my forehead.
I’m just nervous, and thinking about myself more than anyone will even remotely think about how I am not drinking at this party. A part of me feels like someone who is coming up on two years shouldn’t feel this way. The other part of me know’s it’s normal.
I have a friend who relapsed at a company event. He was doing laps around the event with a bottle of Grey Goose taunting him and I just don’t want that to be me.
And in my cute little almost two years I’ve never had to do something like this alone. BUT, I’ve been asking for help. And I received two very kind text messages this morning reminding me how far I have come and that this is just another thing I can get through.
Timmy kindly reminded me that my definition of a “wild” holiday party is a very different definition than that of a normal person.
If it was a sponsee going through the same thing I would tel them that we can go anywhere and do anything as long as we are connected to our Higher Powers and as I always say to all of you, we never really have to do anything alone.
I can very simply say that I don’t drink. I can very simply ask for some water. Because I’m sober I know I won't ruin this party due to drunk behavior of mine. Because I’m sober I won’t wake up with hangxiety tomorrow, I will go to work fresh as a daisy. Because I love my sober life I am not overthinking “what if I drink” but “how do I tell people without telling people that I can’t drink.”
And just because I am coming up on two years, does not mean I’ve done and seen it all. I am still going through some firsts and that wil continue forever. And that is okay, because there will always be someone else who has gone through it who I can ask for help. And after I get through this, I can share my experience with someone else.
And we never, ever, have to do anything alone.
xx
Jane
Well put! Congratulations on maintaining your sobriety. It isn’t always easy,!
You can say a simple “no thank you”. They can’t see that your Higher Power is sitting right on your shoulder!