Inveniam Viam aut Faciam

The Field Sobriety Guides are Here!

I’m grateful for cold medicine and Law and Order in the middle of the night. I’m grateful for the slivers of sunshine this morning. I’m grateful for different ways of looking at things. I’m grateful to be sober today.

Another Actual Rainbow. Two, Actually.

I am going to inform you that TBD has been a bit under the weather, so if the usual insouciant sparkle isn’t there today, you’ll have to chalk it up to a mix of Nyquil, lack of sleep, poor cold treatment techniques (mostly ignoring it) and an absolutely abysmal diet which has actually included Twinkies and Hostess Donette Gems in recent days.¹

In the midst of my torpor and wheeziness, this has finally come to pass:

That’s right, the first Field Sobriety Guide, I think cleverly titled “Field Sobriety Guide No. 01,” is now available for purchase on world-wide basis.² I think I’ve found the right niche for the publication:

I’m trying to keep my expectations and ego in check:

As one of my favorite songs of all time says,³

“We’ve got a long ways to go, and a short time to get there.”

Did I hear someone say, “How can I help?” I think I did. Well, there’s always clicking that link above and you could buy one and leave a really nice review. I think you can now follow me on Amazon, but not sure what that means. Other ways you could hep? Well, in my experience, this alcoholic knows a fair number of people who may or may not be close to recognizing that perhaps they belong to the same club as I do. Field Sobriety Guide No. 01 is perfect for just those occasions and those people.

If you were wondering how to tell that person in your life, “I think you’re an alcoholic,” well, now you can just send them the book and avoid that awkward conversation altogether. You could even “accidentally” leave a copy discreetly, but somewhat passively aggressively, at that “friend’s” apartment. You could even write, “I think you need help” or some other encouraging message on the cover. I’m not going to try and control how you use them, just buy a bunch and I’m sure opportunities will present themselves.

Also, because you are beloved and loyal subscribers, you can just download it here:⁴

TFLMS Field Guide To Sobriety No

4.25MB ∙ PDF file

Download

FSG No. 01 "Am I Lost?"

Download

I guess you could email this to those proto-alcoholics. I mean, if you wanted to. Anyway, plans are all already underway for the next few titles in the series, including a 30-day Gratitude Journal, a 90-Day Sobriety Journal and Guides to working the steps and basically living a sober happy life and such. I put together a short Q and A on topics that I think you’d like addressed:

Q: Will all of them be 99 pages? 
A: I don’t know. 

Q: Was the proximity to the DUI guides intentional? 
A: Decline to answer. Next question. 

Q: When will you begin the Jay-Z puns in earnest? 
A: I don’t know. Soon. 

Q: When will you be making 666, mark of the beast and  Satan references? 
A: Probably soon. 

Q: Why is there no skull and crossbones anywhere? 
A:  I don’t really have an answer for that.

Q: Will you be sending a free copy to Oprah? 
A: Everyone pays, baby. Eventually, everyone pays.

Seriously, what do I hope to accomplish? I’m not sure that any of this would have helped me get sober faster or gotten me into my real folding chair any sooner, but maybe it would have. The exercises and prompts and things I write about are all things that I’ve done and tried with varying degrees of success. They are the actual things that got me to where I am today (four years of sobriety in October).

I think that everyone has to find their own path and approach to sobriety and I think coming to understand that my path could and should be different from other alcoholics was an important realization. It let me find the parts of the Program and the Big Book that resonated with me, that made sense to me. That’s what I’m trying to get at, that this is about finding your own way, not following someone else.

Also, it’s kind of fun having done it. I’m not going to share how much time went into this, not because I’m humble-bragging about the content, but because for this 60 year-old ADHD-addled, recovering alcoholic, I had to watch a shit-ton of videos on KDP keywords and Bleed/No Bleed margins. It took a number of tries to get the cover dimensions right on Canva. And I’ve had to edit the copy on the various Amazon pages about 70 times. But like, I have one of these bad boys on the desk next to me and it feels pretty cool.

I think this definitely counts as something I didn’t know how to do. For those of you who may be a touch late to this party ( a very back-handed way of saying “Welcome all of you new Subscribers!!), my Higher Power addressed me in the locker room of the gym a while ago and instructed me to “Do the thing you don’t know how to do.” The tricky thing about that exchange, is that once I do that thing, well, I’m not sure I know how things will turn out.

And that is another difference between my drinking days and sobriety:

Uncertainty now produces excitement and wonder.

Uncertainty then bred dark thoughts, hidden conspiracies and secret aggressions. Uncertainty drove me to defend what was mine, at all costs. Uncertainty, in those days, required drinking.

I may never crack the top 180,000 books on Amazon. That’s never been the point. And having said that, I’m not sure I can tell you what the point is, except to say that even the hardest days are so different now. Sobriety, and more specifically, finding and following the path to sobriety, has transformed every aspect of my life. Sobriety and it’s constituent parts (humility, acceptance, self-honesty and gratitude) are an alchemy for fear and self-doubt, and ultimately for addiction. My fears no longer lead me to barstools, they now consistently give way to faith, a sense of purpose, (and maybe a few breathing exercises and a little walking.)

I came across this really fabulous motto a few years ago:

Inveniam Viam aut Faciam

This former classics major can tell you that means, “Find a way or make one.” That’s why I call them Field Sobriety Guides, they are about finding the way out. I think writing them is part of my path. The same way I think writing this is very much my path. Where exactly does my path go? I don’t know, but I sure am glad to have the company.

1. I referred to the combination of a pack or two of Hostess Donette Gems and the bottle of chocolate milk I brought into law school exams as the “Breakfast of Champions.” They work less well as a cold remedy.

2. This should confirm your suspicion that the numbering protocol will allow for up to 99 of these. You may also note that FSG No. 01 has 99 pages and was published on September 9 and the price, an amazing value at $9.99. No, I’m not superstitious, just consistent.

3. Knowing what you know about me, you had to know this…

4. I’m going to tell you, and this is not really a plug, but the actual notebooks that they deliver feel pretty cool.