Book Review: Atlas of the Heart (Brene Brown, 2021)

Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown (2021)

It’s me,

Miss Sober Jane

making a surprise appearance at the extravaganza ;) I’m here to share a brief synopsis and mini-review of “Atlas of the Heart,” by Brené Brown and how it pertains to my sobriety. For anyone who may not know what I’m talking about – Atlas of the Heart takes readers through 87 different emotions, she defines them and explains the ways they may affect us. For someone who is extraordinarily emotional and not always sure why or what about – this book is exceptionally helpful. It helps put words to my ever changing feelings.

I’ve only read through a few of the emotions explained in the book: anxiety, worry, admiration, stressed and overwhelmed, to name a few. But today I wanted to focus on Brown’s definitions of boredom and expectations.

She defines boredom as the uncomfortable state of wanting to engage in satisfying activity, but being unable to do it. When I’m bored, I get itchy, and antsy, and restless and uncomfortable. I feel like I should be doing something, anything that resembles productivity, but I can’t bring myself to do any of the things on my constantly growing to do list. Brown however, proceeds to reframe those unwelcome feelings – Boredom is actually just your imagination calling to you! I wonder how much more I would create if I sat down, ignored my to do list, and filtered through the boredom. How much more motivated I would feel? Probably very…

I’m also learning from the book about unexamined and unexplained expectations coupled with examined and explained expectations. Unexamined and unexplained are like when I want to have a slow and quiet day at work, but I don’t share that with any of my colleagues. I in turn get increasingly more and more frustrated when they ask me to do what feels a million things.

Unexamined and unexplained expectations lead exclusively to disappointment for me, then followed by anger and resentment. Examined and explained expectations on the other hand can have a more positive outcome. Like when I tell Tim I would really like to spend some time together just me and him, and then we do just that. This way, he knows what I’m looking for, without making him try to read my mind. Unfortunately mindreader isn't on his resume.

Examined and explained expectations are significantly healthier, but they still need to be checked against the reality of the situation. I.e., we can’t spend time together just me and him if we already have a full weekend ahead featuring plans with other people. Examined and explained expectations allow me to communicate and reality check without feeling disappointed in the end.

So far, “Atlas of the Heart,” is helping me better understand the arsenal of my own emotions, it gives me the words I need to accurately explain how I’m feeling, and is giving me more room to be a sober woman of dignity and grace as opposed to a ticking time bomb…maybe that’s why my dad recommend the book to me. Regardless, I 10/10 recommend to all of you…even if you only want to learn what schadenfreude means…

xx

Jane