I’m grateful for Friday morning. I’m grateful for thick fog and a cup of coffee. I’m grateful for sitting down in front of the keyboard every morning. I’m grateful to be sober today.
song of the week:
A couple of disclaimers. It’s the song of the week, not the video of the week. Second, I often ask people on the podcast to identify a song that they really like, but are embarrassed to admit they listen to. If you want to know why I ask that seemingly silly question during the Alcoholic Lightning Round, it’s actually because I think it promotes vulnerability and self-honesty.
While we’re on the topic of vulnerability and the Alcoholic Lightning Round, I would be completely remiss if I didn’t put this in front of you right now:
So, no, I don’t actually ask that question to promote vulnerability, I just think it’s funny and it gives me a bit of cover to share my really embarrassing taste in music with you. Disclaimer No. 3: I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a junkyard, I have and they are kind of magical places. The idea of walking around junked cars is just cool for starters, then finding the model with the part you need and just taking it right there. Oh, I mean model of automobile, like we’re looking for a steering wheel for a Ford Galaxy 500.1 I’ve not seen models dancing at junk yards, other than in this video.
I remember where I was when I first heard this song, though. I was a summer associate at a law firm in Washington DC, it was 1986. A group of us were drinking in the courtyard of some office complex on a Friday afternoon, celebrating an arduous week of summer associate socializing. I’d had a few drinks already, was at that spot where things just seemed exactly right. I think I hit equilibrium around my third drink back in those days. Like that night at Magoo’s a few years before, I leaned back and thought about how great everything was, took in that third-drink magic. And then this song played, and it kind of captured the mood perfectly.
Why do I still listen to this? I love the catchy 1980’s stuff and this is near the top of that pile, even the subtitles on YouTube describe it as “Upbeat Music.” But if the question is why do I still listen to a song that is so associated with my drinking? I didn’t banish that guy, I made peace with him. Why do I listen to a song that is so cheesy? I’m not sure I can face that answer.
Speaking of answers, here’s an actual question from an actual subscriber:2
Hey TBD,
You talk about the “Pirate Balcony” a lot. Why is it called the “Pirate Balcony?” Is that an actual term? Is it because you dress like a pirate when you are out there?
Very Truly Yours,
A Very Happy Subscriber
First of all, this is an actual question asked, in part, by a third party, so I’m excited about that. You may already know of my aspiration to be a game show host, advice columnist is also on that list. I have long toyed with the idea of starting an “Ask an Alcoholic,” type of feature, but this is enough for now.
I call it the “Pirate Balcony” because it is fairly long and narrow. I think of it being a little like the “Plank” on a pirate ship, as in “Walking the ‘Plank.” “Plank Balcony” doesn’t have quite the ring of “Pirate Balcony.” I googled “pirate balcony” and this is pretty gratifying
So, no, it doesn’t actually appear to be a real thing, except over here at TFLMS. The last question, do I dress like a pirate? No. I don’t and actually don’t recall ever dressing as a pirate. I do not take advantage of “Talk Like a Pirate Day” either. Thanks for your question and thanks for being a subscriber! Now back to Episode 31 of Breakfast with an Alcoholic:3
As the title suggests, we spent a lot of time in Episode 31 talking about spirituality and sobriety. Sean described how doing simple things like walking outside, noticing beauty around him, taking care of his dog, were all spiritual practices for him. This is where so many people lose the thread about AA; recovery doesn’t require adopting a religion, recovery is driven by simply finding ways to introduce spirituality into life. What precisely do I mean by “spirituality?”
I mean simply the belief that there is another force, or set of forces, in the Universe that are more powerful than me. Spirituality is anything that lets me connect to that power. When I connect to that power, whatever it is, life seems to make more sense, I feel more peace and calm and with enough time and work, drinking stops ever seeming like an answer.
When people talk about rejecting AA because they can’t tolerate organized religion, I kind of feel like we non-card-carrying AA members are a little to blame. If our primary purpose is “Carrying the Message,” then the message we should carry is not our own version of sobriety and which meetings need to be attended and what kinds of things you need to say or believe to be sober. We should be showing the newcomers and still-drinkers and skeptics and agnostics and doubters that you don’t need to adopt anyone’s religion to get sober.
Recovery requires only a desire to stop drinking and finding the willingness to believe there might be a power greater than ourselves out there somewhere. Sean’s examples of spirituality show how simple it is to foster the belief in a power greater than ourselves. A walk in nature, seeing the magnificence of the world around us, feeling love from someone we love and take care of—Those are simple and powerful things that help strengthen my belief in a power greater than myself.
It’s those simple things that remind me of the beauty and grace all around me. It’s those simple things that now restore peace and calm when I’m disturbed, that lead me to believe the path is always there, even when I can’t seem to find it at the moment. Seeing those simple things makes me grateful for all of the moments that pass me by every day. Seeing those things is how I made my beginning and they eventually helped me come to believe that mysterious power all around me could actually restore me to sanity. Finally seeing those simple things is what finally helped me get sober.
Ultimately my choice for the steering wheel on the fabled go-cart, secret tank prototype.
I edited this to include additional favorable comments that might not have been verbally conveyed originally.
Yes, this is twice.
Thanks for introducing me to the phrase “3rd drink equilibrium”. I know exactly what you mean. I’ll be using that in a meeting as soon as it’s appropriate!
“This is where so many people lose the thread about AA; recovery doesn’t require adopting a religion, recovery is driven by simply finding ways to introduce spirituality into life. “
Yes. 100%