Working with Others

Why Chapter Seven Matters

I’m grateful for another gorgeous morning. I’m grateful to be learning from fear, instead of being controlled by it. I’m grateful for brand new chances. I’m grateful for feeling light. I’m grateful for the here and now. I’m grateful for excellent coffee. I’m grateful to be sober today.

We’ve been working our way through ”Working with Others,” (Chapter Seven of the Big Book ) at the “Anyone Anywhere” AA meeting. Every time I venture into the chapter, I’m left wishing that if there could be one mandatory thing about AA, it would be that before being allowed to speak at a meeting in front of other people, people would have to read the roughly 14 pages of “Working with Others.”

Here’s how the chapter starts:

Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics. You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill.

Big Book, p. 89

If we hearken all the way back to Chapter One, after Bill W’s possible detox hallucination or spiritual experience at Towns Hospital, he quickly realized that working with other alcoholics was the new magic elixir:

I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day.

Big Book, p. 15

I would like to pause here and point out where the value is being created and who is receiving that value: the still suffering alcoholic provides an opportunity for the recovering alcoholic (the “old timer”) to deepen their spiritual life, to deepen their sobriety, to build a sober bulwark the way Bill did and in the way the Big Book suggests. The still sick and suffering alcoholics, who are trying to find their way in, are the lifeblood of sobriety; those of us who have already claimed seats feed on that. Not in a weird vampire-y way, but in a spiritual sustenance kind of way.¹

The odds do not favor the newcomers. Bill describes the ROI for the alcoholic working with the newcomer as a virtual lock, he even guarantees immunity from drinking! Bill’s own experience was that there were way more failures than successes. There’s a reference in “Working with Others” to someone who started off 0-6 with “sponsees.”² We know from the statistics that it is way too rare to get even 90 days of sobriety.

Reading “Working With Others,” brings up an image of someone trying to approach a skittish colt. It’s about quiet confidence, careful steps, easiness and lightness. It’s not like I’ve busted broncs or anything in actual real life, but I’ve seen that approach work a lot better with people in a wide variety of settings than:

This was the toughest f***ing fight of my life, but I did it and it required complete surrender and if you aren’t willing to do what I did, then, well, good luck, kid…

I mean seriously, we’ve all heard that speech before, or versions of it. My own view is that sentiments like that are probably vestigial remnants of the alcoholic ego. Bill W greenlit the hit on ego, self-centeredness, but that stuff grows back, probably never really goes away. That’s why Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve are there; a regular pruning of the alcoholic ego bush.³

Anyway, there is not a whiff of alcoholic bluster and ego in Bill outline of how to approach newcomers in Chapter Seven. It’s about approaching a skittish colt, the dog who shies away when your hand goes up. We were all there at one time, I believe. I don’t know about you, the hand of my Higher Power didn’t yell at me and then swat me into recovery.

Here’s how it kind of went for me. My Higher Power pointed out that yes, things have gotten kind of shitty, haven’t they? Then my Higher Power began dropping little hints that maybe things didn’t have to be that way. Little glimpses of what things could maybe be like. Coy Higher Power maybe tells a riddle to see if I’m paying attention. I start to see that maybe there is something to this Higher Power thing, so sure, let’s take another step. Things get a little better, this sub-routine executes a few more times and then weirder shit starts to happen and people show up out of the blue and all of sudden it’s been a while since I’ve had a drink, or really even thought about having a drink and then I wonder how the f*** did that happen? I mean seriously. I tried every fucking thing and tried to fight my way through this and this is how it works? I mean I can’t even tell you how it works because I don’t know what’s really happening.

That doesn’t really lend itself to a coherent speech or a recovery checklist. I don’t want to tell anyone that recovery requires they do what I did. I think anyone who starts narrowing the path to sobriety with their own preferences should be asking themselves a few questions before going further. Telling people that you need to go to certain meetings or only in-person vs zoom, or whatever, not only runs counter to the approach recommended by Chapter Seven, it puts bumpers on the process of the newcomer finding an approach to sobriety and recovery that is sustainable for them. I guess anytime I find myself “directing,” there’s a slight shiver of recognition, “oh, I remember this.”

One of the reasons the Big Book’s approach to recovery works is the tremendous amount of individuation it allows. Which is ironic, because the public rep tends to focus on AA as being a too-strict, too-controlled, too-my-way-or-the-highway-ish. That view is also misinformed, but we’re not likely to change it with a frontal assault. That’s the entire gist of Chapter Seven. “Working with Others” is about meeting people where they are, showing them how the steps worked for us, helping them understand the process, showing them the ropes and then letting them find their way.

Newcomers are what keeps us all sober. I don’t know why it’s not the First Tradition, but whatever. We should approach them with reverence, because they present opportunities to find the divine in ourselves. That’s my Higher Power in the mix there, too, that’s how we both got to that moment, where I’m talking and maybe they’re listening. My job isn’t to point to my own footsteps and say, “it’s pretty rough going, just make sure not to stray from my steps and maybe you’ll make it.” No, it’s to help shine a little light on what looks like a pretty dark patch to someone else and offer to walk with them a little and see if we find it together.

I think it’s just up ahead a bit…

1. I ‘m drawn to vampires, too.

2. Not sure when exactly the terms “Sponsor” and “Sponsee” became prevalent in AA.

3. I know, the metaphors are all over the map. Not sure what to say.