I’m grateful for another beautiful sunrise. I’m grateful for some improvements in my coffee technique. I’m grateful for the things that were supposed to happen. I’m grateful for not wishing I was somewhere else so much. I’m grateful for friends. I’m grateful to be sober today.
Maybe that’s the end of the vacation pictures. I did have a great time but Fall in New York is a pretty magical time, so kind of glad to be back.1 If you recall, a few weeks ago I polished up one of my rehab stories, found one of my less-wrinkled shirts, tuned in the courage frequency and went to the New York Story Night organized by Chuck Palahniuk. Here is the result:
If you click on that, you’ll see a video of yours truly reading “Equine Therapy” in front of an audience I didn’t know. When it came out yesterday, I really couldn’t bear to watch it and I’m not sure why. As I always remind contestants during the Alcoholic Lightning Round, I once was a practicing trial attorney, so I’ve had to see myself on video before.2 It’s always a horrifying but instructive experience. My takeaways, once I was finally able to watch it part of the way through:
I was very nervous. You may not notice, but there are segments where I was literally running out of breath as I read.
The line, “I’m Randall and I’m an alcoholic” drew a very nervous laugh.
My shirts could be less wrinkled.
When did I start channeling Rodney Dangerfield?3
Oh, and I’m proud of myself. I went out and did a thing I didn’t know how to do—and it turned out alright. Anyway, enough about me. Along those same lines, I wanted to share something one of my Sponsees is doing that I think is really, really cool.
I’ve mentioned D. here before (Daily Gratitude List 9.16.22) and he’s also a pretty talented musician. He met some other guys at a meeting and they do something really unique. Once a week, they now hold their own AA meeting and when they’re finished, they pull out their instruments! Here’s a clip of them playing “What’s So Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding,”
Sobriety is about that. It is not simply about not drinking or using. Sobriety is re-discovering the person that got lost and then making peace with them. D. and his friends seemed to have figured that out and I don’t get the sense that they are viewing sobriety as some horrible trudging thing.4 Also, they picked a really great song for this.5
One of the great gifts of doing this has been seeing all of the beautiful ways people are recovering themselves. It seems like every time my own resolve is flagging, when my reservoir of inspiration seems like it's emptying out, along comes someone doing something really inspiring and the wind comes up and everything is ok again. It is good to be back home.
Thanks for Letting Me Share
As I like to explain, “kind of” is part of my regional dialect. It sounds like it is intended to deflect whatever feeling is attached, but actually serves as an intensifier. e.g. “I kind of like pancakes.”
Yes, I used the word “contestants.” Had you not considered that this is just a very unorthodox route to checking off the “always wanted to be a game show host” box? I play the long game, for sure.
The only time I think our paths could have crossed would have been the filming of his classic movie “Back to School.”
“Trudging the road of happy destiny” or whatever, is one I would get rid of.
Is there a sweeter scene than the karaoke scene in “Lost in Translation?” Other than the end where he whispers to her.
Saw that Chuck posted that yesterday, gonna give it a watch today!
Also, love me some Elvis Costello.
I enjoyed that short story a lot!
In response to your reluctance to watch the playback:
In the last year, I attended a coaching training programme with quite a remarkable coach and facilitator. Anyway, we were talking about 'speaking from somewhere' - a place outside of a story that fits the character that we think we are.
So he had us filmed as we're speaking, with a certain brief etc. I was horrified when I was watching the playback - I got myself into quite a meltdown. The feedback on how I did was actually really good, but the only lens that I could see through was "What the hell is this and why do they let her exist?!"
It's kind of funny, but it revealed my fundamental demon - just when I thought I'd got hold of it...! And it was excellent opportunity to integrate more of it too. I'm sure it will come back and catch me off-guard again sooner or later, but each time I think its grip is less tight :).
Thanks for letting me share!