SUNDAY GRATITUDE EXTRAVAGANZA: FATHER'S DAY EDITION
| Five Things… [Essential Dad Jokes] | The Sober Library | From the TFLMS Archive: "A Place in Her World| "My First Alcoholic" | much, much more |
I’m grateful for Fathers Day, which coincidentally, is a bright, sunny morning. I’m grateful for another visit from my daughter. I’m grateful for a lovely dinner and for her picking up the check. I’m grateful for my dad. I’m grateful to be a dad. I’m grateful to be sober today.
Happy Father’s Day!
What else could this be, other than the Father’s Day Edition of the Sunday Gratitude Extravaganza.1 I will tell you, without any hesitation, my greatest contribution to the universe at large, is two completely fantastic children. Recovering my relationship with them has been an incredibly beautiful thing. It is, and will be, a work in progress. Alcoholism and addiction damage people and relationships on so many levels, in ways it took me a long time to understand, and it makes the road back long and challenging.2
Challenging, but not impossible. Step one in that process was actually working the Twelve Steps, recovering the authentic version of myself, establishing the correct relationship with the universe at-large and then showing up a lot without expecting anything back. Hard? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. Difficult to look back at everything and understand just what they went through? Yes, very very hard. When I really thought about what I wanted the most, it was making it safe for them to trust me again, so I could be their dad again.
For me, the enduring image of fatherhood involves the teaching of bike-riding. I remember my first bike, a black Schwinn Typhoon, a gift for my 5th birthday, which falls at the end of November every year. You think I was going to wait until spring to ride that bad boy? No, my dad and I bundled up and headed out to learn to ride that bike. The technique that has been passed down over the generations involves getting a hold on the back of the seat with the right hand and doing a lot of jogging along side with a pretty steady stream of encouraging and hopefully slightly distracting words.
The critical operation here is the releasing of the seat. This has to be done very deftly and it does involve deception. I’m sorry, this is the only way. Even after releasing the seat, you keep running along side, panting the words of encouragement by now, watching those little legs start pedaling with some confidence. The front wheel straightens out, speed increases a little, this is usually the moment when the subject of the bike-riding lesson will call out something like:
You didn’t let go, did you? Don’t let go!
This is the moment that requires deception: “Don’t worry, I won’t let go, I promise.” Except, I let go. I kept up the appearance of holding that seat until she or he could see that they were doing it themselves. Then you let them see and there is a mix of absolute glee, excitement and terror and then usually a crash. A quick dust-off, right back into the saddle, and soon enough, they’re pedaling away and you get to stand and watch. I think that pretty much sums up my view of fatherhood. My dad did that for me. I got to do it for my two kids. The dividends are subtle but tremendous.
My son is literally at sea this Father’s Day, celebrating it in perhaps the most dad-like way possible—practicing firing missiles and destroying random targets (don’t worry, all just for practice!). Maybe it’s a tie for first with a father’s day chain-saw opportunity. Anyway, my hard charging, MBA-carrying daughter flew in to celebrate Father’s Day. We had a lovely, lovely dinner and when the check came, she confidently put her hand on top of the tray with the check and slid it to her side of the table. She turned up the check, like a card in a poker hand (as instructed), but her poker face vanished. She looked shocked, her eyes were wide, her head even jolted back a bit as she stiffened, she let out a perplexed “what?” I bit. “What’s wrong?” I worriedly asked, already reaching for my wallet, in the event that she had maybe bitten off more than she could chew.
She smiled in complete and utter triumph. My best dad-joke played back on me expertly. Her eyes dancing, she laughed, “Happy Father’s Day, Dad.”
Happy Father’s Day.
1. THE DINNER CHECK SPIT-TAKE
As described above, this involves reviewing the check, feigning extreme displeasure and then I would usually turn the check 180 degrees, as though I had been holding it upside down. Variation: [spoken very aggressively] “Ok, who had the chicken fingers?”
2. “YOU HAVE THE TICKETS, RIGHT?”
Not everyone likes this one. It involves waiting until pulling into the airport parking garage, or somewhere else just slightly across the line of no return, and then innocently, but urgently, asking (usually the spouse); “You have the tickets, right?” Of course, I had the tickets and knew right where they were. This provoked a few moments of panic nearly every single time. Another dad pinnacle moment: Sitting in the back seat as my son executed this flawlessly with his girlfriend.
3. THE UPS AND DOWNS OF FATHERHOOD
A good dad joke is an obvious dad joke.
4. YOU’LL NOTICE, MOM IS NOT PRESENT
After the whole bike-riding thing, this is at least the second-best example of fatherhood at work. Please note: There were no tragic consequences. No one lost an eye, just a tooth.
5.WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF DAD JOKES?
The surprising banality? The self-laughter? Oh, maybe it’s the sheer repetition?
Announcing The Sober Library:
For us, reading and writing have been a big part of recovery and sobriety. We thought we’d start sharing some of our favorite books on the topic of recovery, addiction and general happiness and telling you how they helped us! If you have ideas, thoughts, comments, suggestions or if there are some books that you’d like to chat about, well, we’d love to do that with you. Last week, Jane reviewed Brene' Brown’s amazing book, “The Atlas of the Heart:”
We’ll be adding more reviews soon.3 Specifically, the very excellent “Lessons and Carols: A Meditation on Recovery” by John West and “Henderson the Rain King,” by Saul Bellow. If you’d like to review a book, well, we’re very down with that.4 If you want to chat about a book, well, we’ve even got you covered there?
“Anyone Anywhere” meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous!
Tuesday nights at 7pm
The “Anyone Anywhere” meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous takes place on Tuesday evenings at 7pm (edt). It is an “Open” meeting, meaning all are welcome and that definitely includes you! If you’re curious about what happens at AA meetings or have been looking to check new meetings out, it’s all good with us.
We’ve been working our way through the Big Book, but it’s cool to jump in any time, you don’t need to promise to come every week, you don’t even need to turn your camera on if you don’t want to.
We’d love to have you join us.
Zoom: 873 5565 4347 secret code: 1234
From the TFLMS Archives:
Are we all convinced the apostrophe is in the right place?
Are “That’s What She Said” jokes considered “dad jokes?”
Sorry, I’ve been pretty busy.
Seriously, let me know. The more the merrier!
I had a Typhoon too! Mine was candy apple red. Thanks for the memory 🙏
What a fun and memorable read. It’s all fun and games until someone puts an eye out. 🙄 I’ve def got some book reviews for your sober library!!