I’m grateful for Christmas Eve. I’m grateful when a plan starts to come together. I’m grateful for seeing that love is usually at the bottom of disappointment. I’m grateful for some authentic Wisconsin Xmas pastries. I’m grateful to be sober today.
The Christmas Holiday is upon us! My very faulty time sensor array was still suggesting it was a few days away, but no, it’s right here, right now. I know this can be a pretty tough time of year, and there isn’t much that’s worse than walking around feeling completely alone, totally cut-off from the rest of the world and watching while they spread joy and glad tidings to each other. It is sometimes a truly sad season for the broken toys.
Crushing sadness was never a feeling I enjoyed and, fortunately, it was one of the many feelings that alcohol was singularly effective at blotting out. Alcohol was also great at obscuring the fact that I was alone. I thought those two things , sadness and the fear of being alone, moved in some kind of inexorable tandem. The mountain looks pretty f****** high in early sobriety, especially at the holidays. The idea of a pretty difficult journey that is going to take, let’s face it, a lot of alone time—that feels pretty daunting. Even with the fellowship of AA or whatever support network one has, it’s pretty lonely business for while. And you don’t get to use the thing that made it possible for you to mange your way through the world. Merry Christmas, right?
Part of what made it possible for me to finally get sober was finally becoming grateful—not just for pretty views from the balcony or delicious pancakes or the obvious, kind of trite things that I write every day. It’s more than saying “I’m grateful for [fill in shitty event].” For me, it meant actually finding the piece of the bad thing that I was actually, truly grateful for. I realized that even in the shittiest circumstance, there was always something that I was actually, truly grateful for. That discovery helped transform me. It wasn’t simply a frown turned upside-down type of situation, it’s not lemonade production either, it’s seeing that there is always some learning available, some purpose being served in everything that happens. Seeing things that way seems hard at first, but trust me, it’s freeing in a way that is simply unimaginable. It takes some practice, but for you who are heavy-laden and weary, it will refresh you.
I know it’s Saturday and that is supposed to mean that this is just the Saturday Gratitude Round-Up. The title up there even says it. I know I just flouted the editorial guidelines, however, it is Christmas Eve, so I apologize if I took certain liberties. Without further flourish, digression, sudden cleaning emergency, need to re-heat coffee or any other such procrastinative act, I present to you, dear loyal subscribers, the:
Saturday Gratitude Round-Up!
Daily Gratitude List 12.18.22 Untitled
Daily Gratitude List 12.19.22 The Multiverse and Sobriety
Daily Gratitude List 12.20.22 Sober Girls Edition
Daily Gratitude List 12.21.22 What We're Doing Here
Daily Gratitude List 12.22.22 The King is Dead
Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition All Consuming Emotions
Daily Gratitude List 12.23.22 A Burt Bacharach Christmas Story
Well, there it is, a week’s worth of gratitude in one tidy email! Merry Christmas!! If it’s a hard time, I’m sorry. Hang in there and try to remember that it only takes a willingness to believe to make a new beginning. This is a hard time of year to do that, but also a perfect time of year to do that. If you need to hear other people say that and don’t know where, I’m always happy to help.
Thanks for Letting Me Share