SUNDAY GRATITUDE EXTRAVAGANZA: SPIRITUALITY
| Liner Notes for BWAA Episode 31 | Three Recovery Discoveries | The Sober Library | From the TFLMS Library: "FM Radio, Pennies & Listening for the Universe" | Much, Much More |
I’m grateful for a fire on a cold, stormy morning. I’m grateful for the fire in the fireplace. I’m grateful for new ventures and adventures. I’m grateful for quiet and peace. I’m grateful to be sober today.
[I hope you enjoy this previously enjoyed Sunday Gratitude Extravaganza!]
Religion, spirituality and sobriety. I’m here to resolve this issue once and for all. You’re welcome in advance. But first, I would like to celebrate not only the return of Breakfast with an Alcoholic, but getting to write the Liner Notes again. If we were to delve quickly into the history of TFLMS, it began as the posting of random pictures and pithy daily gratitude lists.1 Things began to shift when we launched the podcast.2 The Liner Notes I began to write for each episode slowly turned into these essays. It’s been writing these essays, that have led me to discover so much about myself and so much about my own sobriety. So, thank you for riding along. It means a lot to me.
It has been a while since I’ve done one of these, and many of you are new around here, and there could be questions like, “What are Liner Notes?” Back in the olden days, we listened to music by using a machine that runs a sharp needle over a compressed piece of vinyl with a bunch of grooves etched into it. The vibrations generated by this are processed with electricity and then transmitted in wires to speakers. Somewhere along the way, all of these vibrations are turned into music. The compressed piece of vinyl was usually in a sleeve inside the cardboard album cover. This sleeve often contained lyrics, BTS shots of the band, credits and explanations for what it was you were listening to. That’s why these are called the Liner Notes.
The theme of Episode 31 turned out to be spirituality. I have written a lot on this topic because spirituality is at the core of the Big Book and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality is a concept that generates lots of controversy and division in the addiction/recovery world. The misunderstandings keep people away from one of the most effective treatments there is for alcoholism and addiction.
When I first encountered the Big Book, I, too, thought it was nonsense. Sure, I believed there was probably a power greater than myself out there, what did that have to do with my drinking? This disease of addiction they tell me I have?
Do doctors treat other chronic, relapsing diseases with reading assignments, I wondered?
This could be an opportunity to go off on the medical establishment’s approach to addiction and recovery and the unbelievably shoddy nature of a lot of the opinions “research” that’s bandied about and treated like “science.”3 But that would be a function of the olden-days me, the one that was always on the hunt for that spark of resentment, self-righteous anger, etc, that might ignite things with my old flame, drinking.
Bill W. laid out, pretty precisely, the nature of the spiritual beliefs that gave rise to his recovery:
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.
Big Book, p. 12
I’ve quoted that passage forty-gazillion times because it is the touchstone of the Program. It establishes the necessary level of organized religion in recovery. That is none. The idea that AA is crypto-religious cult is silly and doesn’t survive a careful reading of the first sixteen pages. It is true, the Twelve Steps do contain capitalized mentions of “God,” and even refer to “Him.” But these are qualified, defined actually, twice with this critical appended phrase, “As we understand Him.”4 I can’t speak for all organized religions, but as for Lutherans, you don’t get to just make up your own God. That is the fundamental difference between organized religion and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous. In AA, you get to make up your own “God.”
I think the first three Steps represent an engineering process, masquerading as spirituality. Step One is defining the nature of the problem, the scope of the project. Step Two is identifying possible solutions; Is there something out there that could solve the problem identified in Step One? Step Three is implementing the solution identified in Step Two; I like to say, it is “operationalizing” spirituality. If “spirituality” is the process of connecting to the Higher Power (“God,” “Him, “Her,”) identified in Step Two, then Step Three is the work-plan, this is the question that needs to be answered every day:
How am I going to live my life connected to this Higher Power?
Actually, here is a spirituality generator—you simply click, sit back, and wait quietly for just a bit: Peace and enlightenment are about to wash over you. 5 When I listen to Sean in Episode 31, I can tell he is a very spiritual person, but it is not organized religion that defines his spirituality. For Sean, it’s running in Central Park or walking his adorable dog. Don’t get me wrong, organized religion is very meaningful to me and those beliefs form an important part of my spiritual practice, but that is only my spiritual practice. It doesn’t say anything about anyone else’s beliefs, or what will help them be restored to sanity, to recover.
How does this all work? I don’t really know, but somehow, the simple belief that there is a power greater than myself in the Universe (or the Multi-verse) seems to reset the thinking patterns that drove my drinking. That simple belief takes the venom out of resentments and anger, pours courage on the flames of fear and instills a sense of value and worth when self-doubt is running rampant. My drinking was driven by those thinking patterns, my genetic make-up gave me the “talent” necessary to be a long-term alcoholic and my own set of emotional experiences and development supplied the narrative, the storyline of my addiction.
Here’s the thing, that doesn’t sound like a treatment for a disease. But it is. People like to say addiction is a disease that attacks connection, and that’s certainly true, if a bit vague. Spirituality is really nothing more than establishing those connections to the world at large. Bill W. was a bit of a mystic himself, searching for spiritual portals, hoping his Ouija board was actually like a chat-room. The Program he invented is actually a pretty practical form of spirituality. It’s more of a recipe with liberal ingredient substitution rather than commands from the top of a mountain.
Some people say a doorknob can be a Higher Power. I’m not sure I get that. There aren’t many restrictions on the Higher Power thing, but according to Step Two, that Higher Power is supposed to be able to restore sanity. I’m not sure I’ve seen a magic doorknob like that. The point is not to define “God,” in the least offensive, most neutral, potentially acceptable way possible. It’s not an exercise in finding the least common denominator. It’s discovering a force greater than myself that is personal to me.
My conception of a Higher Power probably does not match yours, that doesn’t mean one of us isn’t getting sober. It means the exercise of recovery is finding your own path, spirituality is how we build a map that shows us the way out. Lots of people find the notion of having to build a whole new spiritual construct pretty daunting, and that’s how I felt about it, too. Until I realized how much time and effort I was investing in a belief system that produced nothing but misery. I realized the Higher Power I had been trusting, even worshipping sometimes, was kind of a crackpot, really not much of a Power at all. Letting go of that can produce some empty feelings, that’s why early sobriety is hard. But I found that emptiness was replaced once I adopted a very simple, very minor and non-controversial belief:
There could be a power greater than me out there.
That was how I made my beginning, just about four years ago. That’s how I make my beginning every day. When I watch storms roll in, or watch the birds swooping over the river on sunny fall days, or just let the beauty and grace and love all around me seep in a little while I sit on the Pirate Balcony, that is all just a little more evidence of a proposition that is both very true and not capable of proof at the same time: There was a power greater than me out there that was capable of restoring me to sanity.
Spirituality is like tuning a radio, patiently searching for the right signal. Faith is not doubting the existence of the signal just because it couldn’t be heard for so long. For me, spirituality is an exercise in listening, the quieter I am, the stronger the signal, the brighter the light showing me the trail ahead.
At this point, it would be impossible to not already know about the release of Episode 31, owing to the steady shilling going on here. It’s the beginning of Season Two and our Guest Alcoholic, Sean, had a lot to say about what happens in a relapse and how building spirituality into his life helps keep him sober.
Click on the pancake and listen for yourself!
But wait, there’s much more. It’s the debut of:
If you’ve already listened to the podcast, then we’ve covered this.6 But, this is now a “regular” feature on the podcast, wherein a variety of people share “Three Recovery Discoveries,” and there will be kind of a topic or theme most of the time often. This week, the theme was:
Spirituality
First up, :
1) Spirituality can take any shape that’s best for you.
2) Something that I believe is my Peepa shows up for me in many ways, but I like to believe he’s mostly in the birds.
3) Prayer can take whatever form you need it to.
Next, it’s our Guest Alcoholic, Sean!
1) Journaling every morning. The act of physically putting pen to paper stills my mind, helps me think about what happened the day before and how I want to tackle the day ahead.
2) Exercise and spending time outdoors contributes to my spirituality. It helps put me in a still mindset where I can think about my Higher Power. Taking in the beauty around me promotes a sense of place in the Universe for me, shows me that there is something bigger than me out there.
3) My Dog. Harper reminds me that it’s not always about me. Making sure he feels loved and taken care of gives me an opportunity to be of service and promotes my sense of place.
Of course, I took a swing at this:
1) You don’t need to work out all of the details before you start believing.
2) Gratitude is transformative. Gratitude reframes my life.
3) What if everything IS a miracle?7
For us, reading and writing have been a big part of recovery and sobriety. We thought we’d start sharing some of our favorite books on the topic of recovery, addiction and general happiness and telling you how they helped us! If you have ideas, thoughts, comments, suggestions or if there are some books that you’d like to chat about, well, we’d love to do that with you. 8
Now, here’s something new. You may have heard me mention something about writing your story in the style of Bill W’s: and this is where we are going to do it. If you want to write your story and share it, I’ll be happy to put it here for other folks to read. If you’d like to record yourself reading your own story (I highly, highly recommend this), I’ll put it here, too:
The “Anyone Anywhere” Meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous
It’s the “Anyone Anywhere” meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, this Tuesday evening at 7pm. We’re ready to go and hope you can join us this Tuesday! It’s 1/2 AA Meeting, 1/2 Alcoholic Book Club and 1/2 something else we haven’t figured out yet. We’ve been reading the “Stories from the Back of the Book,” and they are all so great. It’s a fun way to learn more about the Big Book and reading these stories out loud is a little like listening to the legends of AA share.
Hope you can join us!
From the TFLMS Archives:
How Can I Help Support TFLMS??
As mandated by Twitter/X.
I’m very grateful for the “we” that launched the podcast.
I think sometimes people with graduate degrees come to believe their personal experiences amount to “science.”
When I read the Steps aloud, I replace the “Hims” with “God.” I think I’m still just as sober.
This is very much a “sorry, not sorry” situation. Sorry.
Do you feel like I’m pressuring you to listen? I am.
I borrowed this one:
Seriously, write a book review (or we might expand into movies!) and we’ll probably put it up.