SUNDAY GRATITUDE EXTRAVAGANZA: THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT EDITION
| Five Things… [Spawn of Satan] | The Sober Library: "Book Review: Henderson the Rain King | From the TFLMS Archive: "What We Create May Save Us (with voiceover | much, much more |
I’m grateful for seeing how strands can come together. I’m grateful for a super bright morning. I’m grateful for observing instead of reacting. I’m grateful for the great untangling. I’m still grateful for pancakes. I’m still grateful to be sober today.
Welcome to the “Devil Made Me Do It Edition.”
“What?" You correctly inquire. Before we even start, I’d like to defensively say that I’ve been really busy lately. There’s a new gig, a really cool project that came from roughly nowhere (and will likely require a haircut) and other stuff. This is totally meant to excuse what we used to call “weak sauce, man.” Not 100% sure what that even meant, but we said it for a while. So, this week’s Extravaganza focuses on two unlikely numerological events that occurred this week. Number 1, or really Number 666, is this post by our very own
We published our 666th newsletter last week!
I’d just like to say, that’s a lot of newsletters! I’d like to further add a thank you to all of you lovely subscribers and other random readers (you’re just as lovely), because getting to share this with all of your is a real privilege. I’ll take the liberty of speaking for the band, but you all help keep us sober.1 Thanks.
Back to the satanic part. I saw that we were approaching that beastly milestone and that Post 666 would be last Monday. I briefly considered petitioning Jane so that I could write on Monday and have it be something about 666, but then that idea kind of ran out of steam and I didn’t really want to have to explain any of this to Jane. So she wrote her usual excellent piece on Monday, and I will bet most of my bottom dollars that she was not even aware of the sordid connection. And look at the headline she chose, on her own.(it’s right up above). hahahaha. The Big Guy does get pretty granular with the jokes sometimes.2
The second instance that is commemorated here occurred on Friday. Anyone notice the date on Friday:
6.23.23
or
The third allegorical Six? You kind of have me there. The best I can do is tell you that my most favorite basketball player of all time is the fabulous, scintillant Doctor J. He wore the number 6 on his jersey.3 I know, weak sauce, man.4
1. If Satan Wrote a Song…
It would probably be this one. Also, that makes me think that Satan probably really, really gets into the whole air guitar thing.
2. It 100% Wouldn’t Be This One…
This song was unavoidable when I was a youth and like pretty much everything else in the 1970’s just sent some really weird confusing messages. Or were the chickens allegorical? Also, it does tend to support they hypothesis advanced in Number 1 (directly above, just look up). Also, Nickelback covered it. Think we’re done with this one.
3. If Satan were a Game Show Host…
Yes. Not many kids ended up in the 7th Grade Quiet Study Hall for daring to say their dream aloud, but I did. Mr. Conway, the guidance counselor, thought it was disrespectful. He had a point. How does that make you feel?
4. If You Wanted to “Visit” Satan…
Assuming you had the choice of transport and the “visit” was definitely temporary, I think you’d choose this.
5. New Ouija Board, Who’s This?
Bill W. didn’t want to see dead people, he wanted to talk to them. He thought this worked. I guess the reason it’s not employed more widely as a recovery tool is the part where it literally opens the gates of Hell.
For us, reading and writing have been a big part of recovery and sobriety. We thought we’d start sharing some of our favorite books on the topic of recovery, addiction and general happiness and telling you how they helped us! If you have ideas, thoughts, comments, suggestions or if there are some books that you’d like to chat about, well, we’d love to do that with you.
kicked things off with this review:And here’s the newest edition addition to the Sober Library!
Book Review: Henderson the Rain King (Saul Bellow 1959)
“Henderson the Rain King” is the story of a man in search of an answer. Henderson, the protagonist, an American millionaire trudging the sveltelands of Africa and bumbling his way through tribal politics, customs and rituals. He is completely self-absorbed in a very weird, very dysfunctional, self-defined universe. Saul Bellow himself described Henderson this way:
As much a disease, as a man.
Henderson is a 55-year old man, who upon realizing he is quite lost in life, decides to buy a ticket to Africa and get really, really lost—not just in the metaphorical way.
What made me take this trip to Africa? There is no quick explanation. Things got worse and worse and worse and pretty soon they were too complicated.
Henderson the Rain King, p. 1
For some reason, that reminds me of a trip I took to a place that also started with an “A.” Henderson’s ego-driven journey reminds me a bit of my own. I don’t know if Henderson was an alcoholic, he does carry bourbon in his canteen, but the point that resonated with me was how the obsession with self (as we alcoholics like to put it) turns into self-bondage. When Henderson sees that his insane, self-defined objectives are unlikely to be achieved, he immediately concludes there could be no other purpose to his life:
I went into the world one last time to accomplish certain purposes…So, if I quit at this time I’ll probably turn into a zombie. My face will become as white as paraffin, and I’ll lie on my bed until I croak. Which is maybe no more than I deserve.
Henderson at 105.
He laments bitterly about
[P]eople [who could find] satisfaction in being. Being. Others were taken up with becoming. Being people have all the breaks. Becoming people are very unlucky, always in a tizzy. The Becoming people are always having to make explanations or offer justifications to the Being people.
Henderson at 153.
Hmmmm “Becoming People” sound like they would make fine alcoholics:
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success…Most people try to live by self-propulsion…Selfishness-self-centeredness! That we think is at the root our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity…
Big Book, p. 60-62
Henderson blunders through Africa, inadvertently but predictably bringing disaster and misfortune to pretty much everyone who crosses his path. His hare-brained, sort of well-intentioned plans always have as their main objective the glorification of his troubled, insecure self. Frogs and water supplies are blown to smithereens. Kings are driven to fatal confrontations with their spirit animals and Henderson’s delusions are the common denominator.
Like I said, I don’t know if Henderson was an alcoholic, or not. But his tragic, resentment-collecting and generating trek reminds one of an alcoholic journey. Henderson puts his finger on the answer when he delivers his diatribe against the Being people—but that solution was too drastic and involved ceding self-direction, which sounded like surrender, which wasn’t an option.
In the end, it’s still not clear whether Henderson surrendered on his own, or was just too beaten down to care, but most of the hubris is gone from his expressions of kingly-wisdom.
Inhale. Your face is too white from your orphan’s troubles. Breathe in this air, kid, and get a little color.
Henderson at p. 330
It turns out treks to Africa, or other distant or difficult voyages aren’t where one finds one’s self and one’s purpose. It’s in being and breathing.
From the TFLMS Archives:
Am I going to go so far as to say something like, “I owe you one?” Maybe.
Honest, I had zero to do with any of that.
Give the semi-confessional nature of this enterprise, I will now reveal for the first time, that the reason I attended law school in Philadelphia had very, very much to do with the fact that the “Sixers” were my favorite team.
But the part about the Sixers helps, right?